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Dear Christine,
A friend from more than 20 years ago recently contacted me. We’ve enjoyed chatting on the phone and corresponding. However, because I’m so nervous about seeing him face-to-face, I think I might back out of our plan to meet. I almost wish we weren’t both single; it would be less stressful.
Although we were only platonic friends, there was always a mutual attraction. I think one of the reasons we were such good friends all those years ago is because we never allowed our relationship to evolve into a romantic one. I cherish the fact that we remember each other fondly as true friends.
If the attraction is still there, and we eventually act on it, I couldn’t bear it if things ended badly. He was always quite the ladies’ man, and I would never want him to think of me as just another woman he messed around with. -- OLD FRIEND – LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Old Friend,
Think about all the people out there who would love to have a reunion with a special friend, only to find out they had passed away, moved away, or just weren’t interested in getting together.
Stop stressing. This is great news.
Sure, there are a lot of unknowns, but that’s what makes it so exciting. As long as you don’t mix up the past with the present, you’ll be fine. Don’t let your preconceived notions get in the way of catching up and getting to know each other again. Relax and have fun.
Wait to see if the attraction is still there. Wait to see if you both decide to see each other again after the initial reunion. Don’t jump into anything too fast, but don’t rule anything out, either. Just take one visit at a time.
If your friendship is as important to him as it is to you, he’ll never be able to think of you as “just another woman.” If you and he were really meant to be lifetime friends, your mutual respect and love will guide you.
Dear Christine,
My ex-boyfriend and I are still good friends. We’ve always agreed that it would be unacceptable and uncomfortable for either of us to ever be intimate with each other’s friends.
Recently, his best friend, “Andy,” came on to me. Nothing happened—and it never will, now that I’ve told Andy how I feel. To my knowledge, Andy has always been a fairly reliable and trustworthy buddy, so when he put the moves on me I was more than a little surprised.
Turning down Andy’s advances was a no-brainer, but I’m left with another dilemma. Should I tell my ex about his long-time friend’s flirtation? Or should I just let it go? -- TORN – TOLEDO, OHIO
Dear Torn,
It’s good to hear you didn’t impulsively tattle to make yourself look like the better friend. You have a pivotal role in this situation, and this shouldn’t be handled flippantly.
Let’s look at Andy: Since he has a history of being a good friend, I’m sure the rejection was enough of a lesson for him. And as far as your ex is concerned, you held up your end of the agreement. As long as nothing happened, and Andy is clear about your feelings on this, I don’t see the need to cause a rift between the buddies. Just let it go.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
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