Mysterious Holiday Disease Depletes Maturity of Area Professionals
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ITHACA, NY A strange disease has spread through the town of Ithaca. It seems as though silly childish Christmas gifts have rendered several local executives completely useless and immature.

Stan Morris, Vice-President of Shipping at Winslow Manufacturing, Inc. received a train set for Christmas. He now spends his entire day in his basement, creating new scenery for his imaginary passengers.

Morris’ daughter, Lucy, bought the train for her father. “He’s been asking for one for years. I know he’s wanted one since he was a kid. I thought it was perfectly harmless. I never expected…this.”

As Morris’ wife, Shirley, told reporters, “We don’t know how to handle Stanley. He won’t go to work. All he does is play with that train. And he’s always wearing that silly conductor’s hat that he bought himself. If we try to get him to leave his train—even to eat dinner—he throws a tantrum. It’s like he’s eight years old! We hope he’ll grow out of it sooner or later.”

Winslow officials have chosen not to comment at this time. A rumor is going around the company, however, that other executives are extremely jealous and are planning to purchase a train set—to be placed in the executive dining room.

But Morris isn’t the only executive who has been afflicted by this Christmas disease.

Howard Jenkins, CEO of the Guidelines Corporation, has locked himself in his basement—and has contracted the construction of a laboratory—after he received a chemistry set as a joke.

Jenkins’ son, Steven, who gave his father the set, is no longer laughing. “I didn’t think he’d take it so seriously. Mom’s afraid he’s going to blow up the house.”

The list of reported incidents of this mysterious disease is steadily growing every day, but no one knows how to treat it.

Currently, doctors are recommending that victims just be allowed to act like children. If the ailment doesn’t go away after six months or so, consult a professional.

And—whatever you do, don’t buy the patient a radio controlled dune buggy next Christmas.

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