Dumper Finds Out About Life as Dumpee
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Dear Christine,

I was seeing a guy who was a lot of fun, but I knew our personalities would not work together for a long-term relationship. After a few weeks, I decided it was time to end things so he didnít get hurt when I inevitably broke up with him. And frankly, I was bored with him.

The funny thing is that he stopped returning my calls before I had a chance to break up with him. It took me several days of trying to contact him before I realized (are you ready for this?) I had been dumped.

You could have knocked me over with a feather; Iíve never been on the receiving end of a breakup. Until now my arrogance had blinded me of other peopleís feelings. This has really given me reason to pause and take a better look at myself. So much so that Iím thinking of calling some of the men Iíve dumped to apologize for being so careless with their feelings.

I just thought Iíd write to you and tell you my story so that maybe others may learn from my past errors. -- REMORSEFUL Ė TORONTO, ONTARIO

Dear Remorseful,

Congratulations on your breakthrough.

I have another late breaking update for you: Itís not all about you. You need to get over yourself.

Iím not against making amends for your mistakes. However, your motives concern me. It sounds to me like youíre trying to turn your bruised ego into an opportunity to make yourself out to be a hero.

Iím sure the trail of broken hearts you left behind have learned to live without you. And calling to let them know that you were inconsiderate is probably a moot point. Odds are the victims of your carelessness are keenly aware of what you did; therefore, thereís no need to reopen old wounds just to make yourself feel better.

Let it go, be cautious not to repeat your selfish behaviour, and move on.

Oh yeahÖdid I mention itís not all about you?

Dear Christine,

My girlfriend of four months just told me that she still has feelings for her ex. They were together for two months, during which he treated her like dirt.

He told her recently that he wants her back. Sheís not sure what to do and neither am I. Should I break up with her or keep seeing her even though I donít know if I can trust her to be faithful? -- KENT Ė LEAMINGTON, ONTARIO

Dear Kent,

If she still has feelings for her ex, youíre not really in a position to make any decisions. Itís up to her to work it out with him before she can build anything with anyone else.

Ask her to choose who she wants more. Itíll hurt if she chooses him, but itís better to deal with it now, rather than have her humiliate you more later.

If sheís self-destructive enough to want to go back to someone who treated her badly, thatís her problem. Donít fall into the same trap. Keep your dignity and let her go back.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at single@keynotebooks.com.

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