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Dear Christine,
I am a gay man. My boyfriend and I have been together (off and on) for six months. Our reoccurring problem has been that I feel he’s constantly “better-dealing” me. He never puts me at the top of his list of priorities. Even when we have pre-existing plans, he bumps me to do a favour for his sister or to go out for a drink with a friend.
We recently got back together and made plans to spend the holidays together like normal couples do. I was disappointed yet again. He’s ruined most of the holidays by cancelling plans at the last minute for everything from family gatherings to friends’ parties. I offered to adjust our plans and go with him, but he refuses, leaving me alone at this emotional time of the year.
Although he is “out,” his father doesn’t want any part of his gay lifestyle. But that doesn’t excuse him for not inviting me out with him and his siblings or to parties with friends.
After I blew up when he cancelled our plans for Christmas day, he turned off his phone and won’t reply to my messages asking him to talk.
How can I get him to put me first in his life? -- STILL LOVING HIM – LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Still Loving Him,
You can’t.
The two of you have different views on what priority your relationship has in your lives. Just because gay lifestyle isn’t a “traditional” lifestyle doesn’t mean you can’t put each other first. Respect is not reserved for heterosexual couples. And if he won’t give you the respect you deserve, you’ll have to move on without him.
Don’t sit by the phone; you already know he’s not going to call until he has nothing better to do.
As long as you’re treating him like a partner and he’s treating you like a casual acquaintance, this will never work. You deserve to be with someone who gives you the same priority you’re willing and eager to give back.
It’s time to let this “old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind.”
Dear Christine,
My ex-boyfriend and I like each other again.
We went out for a few months last year. Since my best friend did not want me to be mad at her, she asked my permission, and now they’re seeing each other.
Recently, he told me that he still likes me. I want us to get back together. What do I do? -- GG – DETROIT, MICHIGAN
Dear GG,
Before you continue passing this guy around like a favourite sweater, be sure you know what everyone’s true feelings are.
Do you really like him, or does he look better now that he’s going out with your friend?
Does he really like you, or does he just like having two girls interested in him?
How does your friend feel about him? Be sure to talk to her, the way she did, before you make a final decision.
And whatever you do, don’t do anything until he breaks up with her, which shouldn’t be a problem if he really likes you more.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at single@keynotebooks.com.
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