I thought I loved my girlfriend of a few months, until she told me she had cheated on me with three guys in less than a month.
She claimed she wouldn’t do it again and the reason she confessed was to start with a clean slate. Whatever! I broke up with her immediately.
I hate her, and I have quit trusting and dating all women. I refuse to let any woman make a fool of me or hurt me again.
I wish I’d never met her.
How can I get over her and what she did? -- ONCE BITTEN – DENVER, COLORADO
Dear Once Bitten,
My mother always taught me never to have regrets. Instead, she said, take life’s experiences and learn from them. Each stumbling block is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you will and will not accept from the people in your life.
Sure, that woman hurt you. But if you isolate yourself, you will avoid not only the wrong type of woman but also the right ones. Don’t let her be the one bad apple that spoils the proverbial bushel. There are still good women out there.
There’s no profound solution, except to “get over it.”
While you are getting over it, take care of yourself, work on your pride and self-confidence, and take your time with women. In time, you’ll learn to love more wisely.
I have been seeing a married man for nearly six years, and I don’t know what to do.
They sleep in separate rooms and haven’t had a “real” marriage ever since he and I began seeing each other. Around the two-year mark, when his son was nine, he told me he would leave his wife when his son became a teenager. But then his wife got pregnant again. Now I’ll have to wait a decade to ever hope to have a normal life with him.
It bothers me that I’m a home wrecker, but I don’t see how waiting for the kids to be teenagers will be any less damaging to them.
Wouldn’t you agree that it’s better to get things out in the open and begin to deal with this? -- TIRED OF BEING A MISTRESS – TORONTO, ONTARIO
This looks to me like you’re asking the wrong question(s).
Rather than focusing on his excuses as to why he can’t leave his wife, focus on the reality that he’ll probably never leave her for you.
Don’t spend too much time on these or other questions I’m sure you have. Just shake your head and stop deluding yourself that this is more than it is.
- If they don’t have a “real” marriage, how did she get pregnant…while in another room?
- I’m not a mathematician, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that his wife got pregnant right around the time his son “became a teenager.” Do you really think that’s a coincidence?
- Lastly, is he really worth the wait? Will you ever be able to trust him? Can you really “hope to have a normal life with him?”
Either learn to be a silent, bimbo mistress, or end it now.
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