Of Anniversaries, Birthdays, and India
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We all know what the big news is this month, don’t we? I said, DON’T WE? Anybody? ANYBODY?

Happy Anniversary, Charles and Camilla

Well of course, it was Charles and Camilla’s first wedding anniversary on April 9. Okay, so maybe some of you were tied up with your own urgent family matters, so I’ll cut you a little slack.

Charles and Camilla call each other “Darling” ad nauseum. They spent their anniversary at Birkhall in Scotland, the same place they spent their honeymoon. Birkhall once belonged to the late Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. Now Charles and Camilla have the digs. Imagine what it’s like to be them. They have Birkhall in Scotland (described as a 14-bedroom hunting lodge), Highgrove in Gloucestershire, and Clarence House (which also belonged to the Queen Mother) in London.

When the Darlings went to church in Scotland on their anniversary, a little girl gave Camilla some flowers. The little girl’s mother, in an attempt to make nice with Charles, commented on the amount of snow in Scotland. Charles replied that there was almost as much snow in Scotland as in Switzerland, where he had just been skiing. Come on, now. D’ya think this little girl and her mother get to Switzerland often to ski? They probably had to steal from the milk money to get the flowers they gave to Camilla.

All right, forget that. Let’s take a look at the couple’s past year. They haven’t exactly been out tripping the light fantastic. Camilla made a Top 10 Best-Dressed list, and Tatler magazine says she’s a new royal fashion icon. (Icon?) I bet no one thought that would happen. It appears Camilla has taken on her own style and is very well dressed. But hey, you gotta keep up appearances.

Camilla seems to be adapting to her role as a Royal. She has taken on 14 charities and has traveled on numerous state visits with Charles, including the United States, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and India. Those who have had dealings with Charles say he seems happy and relaxed and goes out of his way to help his wife adapt to her royal role. (Did he do this with Diana? I can’t remember…) The couples’ friends say Camilla’s popularity is increasing because people really believe in the love story. Others still regard her as a snake in the grass.

There is still bickering, though, over whether Camilla will ever get to be queen. Listen carefully to me here, people: She’s gonna be queen no matter what title she adopts. Unless the law changes to make her a princess consort, she will be queen. And that’s that. I would venture to guess that by the time Charles is on the throne, though, no one will really care one way or another.

Happy Birthday, Your Majesty

The other big news this month is that the Queen turns 80 on April 21. Ooohh, just imagine the fun planned! The Queen has invited 100 octogenarians to lunch at Buckingham Palace on her birthday. What a rowdy crowd that will be! And I bet you’re wondering how the guest list was compiled, aren’t you? The names were drawn out of a hat. No, really.

In other exciting news...

Speaking of Birthdays…

Princess Eugenie, daughter of Prince Andrew and his former wife, Sarah Ferguson, celebrated her 16th birthday last month. Apparently alcohol was smuggled in (gasp!) and the party was soon out of control, with drunken teenagers vomiting and passing out all over the Duchess of York’s estate. I wonder if Prince Harry was there.

India Visit Highlights

Charles and Camilla sat on thrones as guests of honor during a procession in India. Geez, they must have thought that was swell. I betcha they were making believe they were king and queen. But on one of her tours in India, the Duchess leaned back to sit in a chair, finding out too late that the chair had been moved. Luckily, an Indian official and Prince Charles were able to catch her before she totally wiped out and bruised her tailbone. A picture of the Royal Fall made the front page of The Times of India. This probably brought back painful memories for Charles. I can imagine a lot of schoolmates probably pulled his chair out from under him as he was sitting down. Ah, the past comes back to haunt you.

The gossip of the India sojourn is that Charles and Camilla went barefoot on one tour. Camilla had polish on her toenails, and Charles curled his toes. During the visit, Camilla reportedly skipped a royal engagement to go shopping, sparking much controversy. God help us all.

A Pound of Beauty

And by the way, it was reported that Camilla spends over ₤5,500 pounds a month on her hair, seeing her hairdresser every day. (Forget about the starving children…) All that money to stick a hat on your head? Something’s wrong here… And her make-up artist charges ₤500 per sitting. Wow. Something is really wrong here… I’d get my money back if I were Her Highness.

Scrubbing Bubbles

Prince William had toilet-cleaning duty at Sandhurst Military Academy. And this was news. (Yawn.)

There’s No Business Like Show Business

Hey, the Queen and Prince Philip went to the theatre last month. Big deal, you say? Well, they didn’t take a limo, if that’s what you’re thinking. No sirree. They took an old green taxi that Prince Philip keeps to drive himself around. I guess the taxi was more environmentally friendly than the usual limo. And in case you’re wondering (and I know you are), the Queen and her consort saw Billy Elliot, an Elton John musical about a boy who takes up ballet. I don’t know about you, but I can’t see Prince Philip sitting through that show and keeping his mouth shut.

Well, that's it for this month. Look for more Earth-shattering excitement right here next month.

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