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Dear Christine,
I’m married, though we’ve been living in separate cities for almost three years.
My husband has been taking me to a bar where I’ve met a lot of amazing people. We’ve become a tight-knit crowd. Most outstanding is a guy with whom I share a mutual attraction. We’re waiting to see where it takes us.
My ex—or however you would categorize us—wants to get back together. We’ve talked about it, but I don’t want to be married because it’s not for me, or maybe because he’s not the right one, or maybe I just don’t want to be married. Anyway, I don’t know how to tell my husband without hurting him.
He’s a great person who helps me out and is always there for me. I don’t want to hurt him because we hang out with the same crowd. What should I do? -- THARESA – LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Tharesa,
First of all, stop calling him your husband. He’s your ex. Regardless of his current status, he deserves the truth. You are separated. It’s okay to move on.
It’s abundantly clear to anyone reading this that you “don’t want to be married.” Now come clean and let him move on.
You say you don’t want to hurt him. It sounds to me like you don’t want to be the bad guy in the eyes of your tight-knit group. Make no mistake—by leading him on, you are the bad guy.
Also, perhaps you’re worried that he won’t “help you out and be there for you.” You need to knock it off and stop expecting a man to take care of you. Take care of yourself!
If you want to re-enter the single scene, find new friends and find new places to hang out. But if you must see this new guy, take it outside of your mutual hangout.
At the risk of mixing clichés, my two final thoughts are: what comes around goes around, and you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Dear Christine,
I envy the way you enjoy being single. I, on the other hand, loathe being alone. I’m terrified of ending up all by myself some day. I can’t bear the idea of dying alone in a dingy little apartment after choking on a bite of TV dinner, or slipping coming out of the shower.
I don’t really have a question; I just wonder how you do it. -- SCARED SINGLE – LAKE PLACID, NEW YORK
Dear Scared,
I just do it. It’s all about playing the hand that life has dealt you.
I’m not against couplehood. If the right person comes along, I’m not averse to the idea of settling down.
But I’m proof that single life can be full of friends, family, and lovers. Embrace the positive aspects in your life and stop dwelling on poor, lonesome you.
What else can I say, except chew your food well, get a non-slip bath mat, and invest in an alarm for when you’ve fallen and can’t get up. Whatever you do, remember that love and happily-ever-after aren’t defined as having someone around to perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre.
Bottom line: don’t turn nothing into something just to avoid being alone.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com.
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