Ex-Husband Deserves to Know Heís History
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Dear Christine,

Iím married, though weíve been living in separate cities for almost three years.

My husband has been taking me to a bar where Iíve met a lot of amazing people. Weíve become a tight-knit crowd. Most outstanding is a guy with whom I share a mutual attraction. Weíre waiting to see where it takes us.

My exóor however you would categorize usówants to get back together. Weíve talked about it, but I donít want to be married because itís not for me, or maybe because heís not the right one, or maybe I just donít want to be married. Anyway, I donít know how to tell my husband without hurting him.

Heís a great person who helps me out and is always there for me. I donít want to hurt him because we hang out with the same crowd. What should I do? -- THARESA Ė LONDON, ONTARIO

Dear Tharesa,

First of all, stop calling him your husband. Heís your ex. Regardless of his current status, he deserves the truth. You are separated. Itís okay to move on.

Itís abundantly clear to anyone reading this that you ďdonít want to be married.Ē Now come clean and let him move on.

You say you donít want to hurt him. It sounds to me like you donít want to be the bad guy in the eyes of your tight-knit group. Make no mistakeóby leading him on, you are the bad guy.

Also, perhaps youíre worried that he wonít ďhelp you out and be there for you.Ē You need to knock it off and stop expecting a man to take care of you. Take care of yourself!

If you want to re-enter the single scene, find new friends and find new places to hang out. But if you must see this new guy, take it outside of your mutual hangout.

At the risk of mixing clichťs, my two final thoughts are: what comes around goes around, and you canít have your cake and eat it too.

Dear Christine,

I envy the way you enjoy being single. I, on the other hand, loathe being alone. Iím terrified of ending up all by myself some day. I canít bear the idea of dying alone in a dingy little apartment after choking on a bite of TV dinner, or slipping coming out of the shower.

I donít really have a question; I just wonder how you do it. -- SCARED SINGLE Ė LAKE PLACID, NEW YORK

Dear Scared,

I just do it. Itís all about playing the hand that life has dealt you.

Iím not against couplehood. If the right person comes along, Iím not averse to the idea of settling down.

But Iím proof that single life can be full of friends, family, and lovers. Embrace the positive aspects in your life and stop dwelling on poor, lonesome you.

What else can I say, except chew your food well, get a non-slip bath mat, and invest in an alarm for when youíve fallen and canít get up. Whatever you do, remember that love and happily-ever-after arenít defined as having someone around to perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre.

Bottom line: donít turn nothing into something just to avoid being alone.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com.

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