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HOLLYWOOD, CA The spokesperson for Film-Max Pictures announced yesterday that the studio was making plans to produce and release the latest version of the same, exact film they’ve been producing and releasing for the last several years.
The movie, said spokeswoman Anita Jenkins, will be a cute romantic comedy that will make women all over the world—as well as a number of men who will never admit it—cry like babies. It will feature a female star with whom every woman in America will be able to fully identify (except for a few small details, like she’s beautiful and thin, makes millions of dollars, and appears to have the perfect life—no matter what the tabloids say). Her male co-star will be whichever male star every woman in the country appears to be currently lusting over. Possibly Jake Gyllenhaal. Or Heath Ledger.
In approximately 90 minutes, this film will touch the hearts and lives of millions of people who will pay way too much of their hard-earned money to see it. It will begin by introducing movie goers to the two lovable (yet quirky) main characters who lead seemingly successful lives, yet they’re incomplete because they’re missing one very important thing: that One True Love. While they’re looking for a way to fill that horrible void in their lives, they will be thrown together for some reason, yet—when they meet—the two (who are complete opposites) absolutely despise each other. And what none of the viewers will know at that point (even though it’s painfully obvious—and even though the storyline will have already been revealed in thousands of commercials and previews and trailers for months before the film’s release) is that the two characters will eventually fall in love and live happily ever after.
And, in the end, everyone will go home and look upon those whom they despise with a new curiosity, wondering if they’ll eventually be placed in a situation that will cause them to realize that they don’t actually hate each other after all. Perhaps they do, in fact, love each other very much.
The yet-unnamed film is scheduled to be released in time for next summer’s rush of brainless blockbusters.
Film-Max—who shares the rights to this storyline with every other film company in the world—has also begun filming another movie that’s sure to become a classic. This film stars a big, studly guy (yet to be named) who is forced to shine when the entire planet is in danger—due to the eminent attack of evil aliens and/or a highly destructive act of God. In the end, he stands up to his own fear, saves the planet, and wins the eternal love of a very beautiful woman who would have never looked at him twice, had he not just saved the planet.
Even though you’ve most likely seen both of these films (in some form or another) a million times, Film-Max promises that these two will be better than all of the others that came before—combined! These are two films you definitely won’t want to miss!
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