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Other than the news about the report that ruled Diana's death an accident (which we won't get into here; you can read all about that on your own), it was kind of a slow month for the Royals. Nonetheless—and as always—I was able to dig up some tidbits and throw in some of my own.
Send in the Decorators
Prince Charles bought himself another house—this time in Wales—to be used regularly by himself and his darling duchess when they find themselves in that part of the U.K. In addition to Clarence House in London, Highgrove in Gloucestershire, and Birkhall in Scotland, now there’s (are you ready for this?) Llwynywormwood in Wales. That’s not a typo. It’s L-l-w-y-n-y-w-o-r-m-w-o-o-d. That’s how you spell it. I don’t know how you say it. The Darlings’ new home is in Myddfai (I don’t know how you say that, either) near Llandovery, in case you’re wondering.
The name “Llwynywormwood” translates to “Wormwood Grove.” The residence once consisted of 13 bedrooms, a library, dining room, drawing room, nursery, conservatory, a number of rooms for domestic staff, and even a lumber room. There was also a dairy, stables and three lodges on the property. But what was once a grand estate was left to fall to ruins after a legal dispute amongst the heirs of Sir Griffies-Williams, who owned the estate and died in the mid 19th century. The estate was divided up between Sir Griffies-Williams' daughters and then sold off in pieces to pay off debt.
This joint must be a hut because it’s now a three bedroom home estimated only between £800,000 and £1.2m. The 192-acre estate includes a walled garden and the “remains” of a lake on 18th century former parkland, much of which is let to tenant farmers.
Not to worry though because renovations are being planned to extend the existing house to provide more catering facilities and additional accommodations.
I’ll be looking for my invitation to the housewarming.
Putting on the Ritz
I know you’re going to find this hard to believe, but the Queen had yet another 80th birthday party for herself at the Ritz hotel in London. No details available on the "completely private" soiree other than it took up five reception rooms and there was a five-course dinner. Prince Charles and Camilla were not there. They were throwing a charity event at Windsor. The Princes William and Harry didn’t go, either. Maybe they were at Windsor with their dad and step-mum.
What a Gas
Camilla was too ill with gastroenteritis to tour a Christmas pudding factory with the Prince of Wales on December 8. Maybe she ate a bad quail's egg or something. It’s too bad, really, because Camilla missed out on some free pudding. Charles chowed down without her. Hopefully, he was a good husband and brought her home some leftovers in a paper sack.
More Help Wanted—Will Train
There’s another job opening at Buckingham Palace: General Assistant (Coffee Room). Part of the Master of the Household’s Department, the position involves laying out everything the Queen and other royals need for their tea break:
“You will join the team responsible for arranging trays for tea and coffee, breakfast and other service requirements for Members of the Royal Family and their guests.
“You will ensure trays are set with the correct glass and porcelain and that drinks and food items are prepared and presented to the highest standards. You may also be required to assist with service and to travel to other UK residences.
“You will possess good organization skills, work well within a team and be able to communicate clearly with colleagues. Previous experience of the catering or service industry would be an advantage; however, training will be provided to those with a flexible, motivated attitude and who strive to provide the highest standards of service.”
Word has it the successful applicant should be a dog lover and willing to prepare the dog food, as the Queen’s corgis are always present at the Queen’s tea.
The pay? £12,903 per annum. Cripes, the tea service cost more than that.
Royal Christmas List
In keeping with the season of giving, what does one get one who has everything? I have some ideas.
Prince Harry—A membership to Alcoholics Anonymous and a place on the liver-donor recipient list.
Prince William—A for-real and for-true job.
Prince Charles—a curio cabinet in which to display all of his unearned medals.
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall—A new hat and a face lift to go with it.
Queen Elizabeth II—No gifts, just a party.
Prince Philip—A book of his own oratory faux pas.
On that note, I leave you with my very best wishes for a happy holiday season. Join me in the New Year for more Royal fun than you can handle.
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