New Year’s Greetin’s from Hoot ‘n’ Holler
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Happy Holidays, y’all--

We got us a new neighbor here at the Hoot ‘n’ Holler trailer park. Britney somethin’-or-other. She showed up one day with two young’uns in tow. No man in sight, though. Sometimes she rides around the trailer park in her ol’ broken-down SUV with them young’uns in her lap, and we all wave and give a shout-out. This Britney girl hangs some purdy clothes out on her clothesline, but I ain’t seen too much underwear. Maybe the poor thing can’t afford no bloomers for herself, being a single mother an’ all.

Sometimes this blonde hussy with a droopy eye comes to visit with that l’il Britney girl. Name’s Madrid, or Venice, or some foreign-city soundin’ name. I seen her downtown, too, when I was gittin’ my roots done at the Hoot ‘n’ Holler beauty parlor. (I git my roots done once a year at Christmas—I think it’s right nice to treat myself.) Anyway, that Madrid girl—or what-all her name is—looks like the town tramp, if you ask me, driving around town in her fancy car, all the fellas ogling her. If she can afford them fancy cars she drives, she can sure afford to git that droopy eye o’ hers fixed. I hope she ain’t plannin’ on movin’ into the trailer park. Then that place will be goin’ to hell in a handbasket. Yes sirree, all them fellas sniffin’ around like dogs and all.

Santy Claus brought Bubba Jr. a new toboggan for Christmas, but there ain’t been no snow. But Bubba Jr., he’s been makin’ the best of it. He and his buddies slide down the compost heap. Bubba Jr. says it’s just as good as snow, maybe even better once the bottom of the toboggan gets all greased up. Why, there they go, flyin’ by my trailer winder right now. Hi, Bubba Jr.! Hi, fellas! Y’all be good, hear?

We had us a right nice New Year’s Eve party here at the Hoot ‘n’ Holler trailer park. It was right purdy with them Christmas lights strung from trailer to trailer. Bubba had to work late at the Hoot 'n' Holler piggery, but he made it in time to ring in the New Year, and even surprised me with a fresh ham for New Year’s dinner. Sure was a nice change from squirrel and possum and all them other varmints. Plus I can make me a nice soup outta that ham bone. That Bubba, he’s plumb lucky. Not everyone gets such a fine ham for a Christmas bonus.

I guess it’s about time for Bubba to think about takin’ down all the yuletide decorations around our new double-wide trailer. We got one of them Santy and his reindeer displays up on the roof. Of course, that ol’ cuss Virgil and his wife Verna Jean—they live in the next trailer—got all bent ‘cause they said Rudolph’s nose was shinin’ clear into their bedroom and they couldn’t git a wink o’ sleep. I said, “Well, Verna Jean, why don’t y’all git yer butt to Wal-Mart and git yerself some curtains?” Well, I sure tol’ her because she just spat out her tabacky juice and stomped back into her trailer. She only goes to the Dollar Store anyway—says Wal-Mart’s too pricey. Some folks—always complainin’.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to wish y’all a Happy New Year. Y’all take care, and stop by for a visit, if’n you git a hankerin’ for some ham bone soup.

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