Robbie Tyler Claims to Be Rubber; Mean Neighbors Allegedly Glue
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EUREKA SPRINGS, AR In a moment of tension and frustration today, the accusations began to fly. It appeared to be a quiet afternoon. Several boys from Mason Street and the surrounding area had come outside to play in the park. The boys, whose ages range from 6 to 10, usually spend their afternoons in this same way—playing catch, beating up on each other, and taunting those who have been predetermined to be inferior.

One of the younger, inferior boys, Robbie Tyler, was taking an extraordinary amount of tormenting—much to his dismay. It appeared as though his new shoes, which he had begged his mom to buy because “Everyone has them” are no longer as phat as they were last week.

After several hours of psychological grief, Tyler could handle it no more. And in the midst of his anger and frustration with the taunting and teasing, Tyler snapped at the other boys, repeating the sentence that his father had always told him.

“Oh yeah? Well, ya know what?” he began. “I’m rubber, and you’re glue. Anything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

The other boys were stunned by such an allegation. They were even speechless. Tyler couldn’t believe what he had just said. Had he spoken too hastily? Had he made unfair accusations?

The other boys responded with laughter that echoed through the entire park. Some even called Tyler a baby. It was more than Tyler could handle, so he went home to organize his case.

Was he really rubber? Or was that wishful thinking? Sure, he had taken on some rubber-like qualities, but he was unsure.

Were the other boys really glue? He couldn’t be sure of that. He had no real proof. He had never actually seen things stick to them, unless they had been covered in tree sap.

The other neighborhood boys have claimed that Tyler’s accusations are pure libel. They do, however, plan to settle the case out of court by punishing Tyler by giving him repeated wedgies until he says he’s sorry. Then they’ll let him play with them again.

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