Drunks, Glamour, and a Dead Fox
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I have a lot of news this month, so dig in.

Show Me the Money, Honey

When hit up for a donation by a homeless woman on the streets of London, Prince Harry’s protection officer had to cough up a ten-spot because Harry had no cash on him. (And donkeys fly.)

By the by, rumor has it that a member of Prince Charles’s staff irons the Prince’s money so the bank note is nice and crisp when he drops it into the collection box at church.

Some Disturbing News

During a pheasant hunt lead by Prince Philip, a fox ran out from the woodland after being scared by beaters sending up pheasants for the party to shoot. Three or four shots were fired at the animal, who then fell and lay twitching on the ground, apparently still alive. A minute later, a beater clubbed the fox on the head. A few minutes later, after the party was done shooting at the pheasants, this same beater went over to the fox and stomped on it then dragged it 20 yards by the tail where it was thrown into a hedge. Reportedly, Prince Philip watched the beating of the fox from 30 yards away.

  
 
While it is not illegal to shoot a fox dead, it is illegal to cause “unnecessary suffering” to an animal. Sadly, the RSPCA found no grounds for prosecution.

Anyone else think there’s something really wrong here?

I have one thing to say here, and it’s not meant to be funny: That poor dead fox better not end up as a hat on Camilla’s head.

Another Whirlwind U.S. Tour

Charles and Camilla embarked on a two-day U.S. tour last month, visiting Philadelphia and New York in the name of youth development, urban renewal and environmental stewardship. (How come they come to the U.S. for only a couple of days, but they’ll run around war-torn countries for weeks at a time?) Anyway, their Royal Highnesses arrived in Philadelphia on January 27—hatless in the freezing cold. (Now here’s a chance for Camilla to wear a great hat in an otherwise hatless society, and she blows it.) They toured the west Philadelphia ghettos, visited the Liberty Bell, attended a reception and a white–tie gala.

Camilla caused quite a stir when she appeared at the gala in a cleavage-popping, deep red velvet evening gown and an eye-popping, ruby-and-diamond necklace. Take that, Mr. Blackwell. At first it was reported that the £1M necklace was a private gift to the Duchess, but then somebody at the palace must have figured out that taxes and duty would have to be paid on the jewelry; it was subsequently reported that the necklace was a gift given by the Saudi Royal Family to England (i.e., no taxes or duty due on the necklace, but when Camilla dies, the bling passes to the Royal Collection to be used by future generations of Royals).

While some, like Rod Stewart, who sang at the event, marveled at the Duchess’s appearance, other catty comments were made. One fashion expert described Camilla’s cleavage as “crêpey” and hinted that she was a little too old to be displaying it in such a manner. Someone else commented that Camilla’s cleavage was mixed up in the jewels of the necklace. Sounds like cleavage envy to me.

While in Philadelphia, the Prince and Duchess were accompanied by a 17-car motorcade and a police escort of a dozen cruisers. At each stop the engines were left running in the cold weather, spewing clouds of exhaust into the air. Hey, stay home and pollute your own country, you know?

The prince said he would remember Philadelphia for its “famously warm hospitality and famously cold weather.”

Well, yeah, if you’re not going to wear a hat…

…And On To New York

Juxtapose the Royal motorcade mode of travel with the environmentally friendly electric train the Prince of Wales and his lovely wife took to New York from Philadelphia, where Charles received the Global Environmental Citizen Prize. (Is the irony here lost on anyone?) The couple visited Harlem where Charles shot a few baskets with some children. Camilla attended a tea, but no word on whether she wore her necklace.

Wishing the Duchess a Speedy Recovery

After a visit to the Middle East this month, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, will undergo a routine hysterectomy. For those of you who are wondering, it is reported that this operation has nothing to do with the gastric woes Camilla suffered last December and January.

When it rains, it pours.

There Must Be 50 Ways to Love Your Liver

Prince Harry went on a 12-hour drinking binge to celebrate England’s rugby victory over Scotland, wrapping up his partying at 4:30 a.m.

Harry then pulled another all-night drinking binge when Portugal beat Brazil. Hey, any excuse for a party. It has been said that, on this occasion, someone spilled champagne, and Harry licked the table clean. Eeeww. He and a friend also ordered a £50 rum-and-vodka cocktail called “Neptune’s Bounty," which is a serving for eight, served in a diver’s helmet. When the two polished this off, they continued drinking into the night.

Prior to these benders, Harry’s girlfriend, Chelsy Davy, 21, traveled 6,000 miles to spend a week partying with her beau in clubs around London. Her last night out on the town ended with Chelsy having to be assisted into a car at 4:00 a.m.

NOTE TO CHELSY: Honey, you’re a pretty girl, but I wonder what you’ll look like at 30 if you keep on like this. Or should we just book the rehab now?

Harry’s week of hard living caused him to miss a morning training session. His fellow troops showed up, however.

You know, I’d be worried about Harry going to Iraq, not because he’s a walking target/hostage, but because he’d leave his comrades in the lurch while he wanders around the Middle East in search of a party.

More Grist for the Rumor Mill

Rumor has it that Prince William and Kate Middleton will become engaged at Christmas or early 2008, with a wedding in July 2008.

We’ll see.

And the Quote of the Month Goes to…

Ingrid Seward, editor in chief of Majesty Magazine, reflecting back on the glitz of the Diana days:

“You’re looking at two middle-aged people who have a lot of worthy causes. But it’s not as glamorous nor exciting, and it never can be.”

Indeed.

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