The Royal Boozer
Click here to buy posters
In Association with
If Prince Harry were not a prince and didn’t have a gaggle of hangers-on trying to latch on to the gravy train and mooch free drinks, he’d be one of those drunks who annoy women in bars and then becomes luggage when he has to be carried out of the place.

Harry is making headlines all over Britain. There were some very unflattering pictures of the prince, pie-eyed, stumbling out of a London night club and falling into the gutter. Can you chalk it up to immaturity? Maybe. But he’s not a kid; he’s 22 years old. I’m more inclined to believe there’s something bigger going on here—like full-blown alcoholism.

Harry is now the Royal who is selling papers. His antics and drunken behavior have earned him the nickname “the Clown Prince.” He’s the butt of reporters’ jokes, as it seems Harry’s always sauced out of his gourd. Now it’s easy to get a snap of the prince. The paparazzi only need wait around the entrance and exit to Boujis, a London night club Harry favors, and wait for him to fall out. How easy is that? Where did the challenge go?

Yeah, he’s in the army. And yeah, he’s supposed to be going to Iraq in May. This is the guy who claims he wants to be treated like every other soldier. But already he’s had more leave for partying than any other soldier. And Harry has another two weeks’ leave lined up for the end of June to attend his mother’s memorial concert, play polo and attend a party. I’m betting he won’t be sober the entire time.

What’s he going to do in Iraq? Get half in the wrapper and then run around with a rifle? Harry is supposed to be in command of an armored patrol in Iraq. Can you hear the battle cry? “To the bar!” Supposedly, Harry is to receive a “dressing down” from his commanding officer before he leaves for Iraq—a warning that he’d better smarten up. Is he destined to become a war hero, not for any heroics, but simply because he’s a prince who went to war? Will his reckless behavior put other soldiers at risk? I wouldn’t want Harry as my commander, exerting control over my behavior when he can’t even control his own.

Harry is the British version of Paris Hilton. He’s a celebrity, yet his life is seemingly meaningless. If he weren’t in the army, he would have absolutely nothing to do but wander aimlessly from party to party, trying to find his place in the world.

Certainly Prince Harry is not the only Royal to misbehave. However, being third in line to the throne, it is not impossible that Harry may one day end up as king. Harry is not doing his country proud when the royal babysitters—I mean bodyguards—are scraping him out of the gutter (at the taxpayers’ expense).

Nobody would say Harry doesn’t deserve a social life. But it seems he does have a tendency to drink to incredible excess every time. I can only imagine the condition of his liver, and do you think his head is ever clear? He could be told to grow up, but that’s not going to help. Harry’s too far gone to give up the hooch by himself.

Prince Harry doesn’t need an army commission. He needs an intervention.

Submissions Contributors Advertise About Us Contact Us Disclaimer Privacy Links Awards Request Review Contributor Login
© Copyright 2002 - 2018 All rights reserved.