Emergency Operation Separates Clingy Couple
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RALEIGH, NC Fourteen-year-olds Mark Cooper and Lisa Ford were rushed to the Raleigh Community Hospital yesterday to undergo tedious separation surgery.

The two had been wandering through the mall—as is their custom—just minding their own business and talking about what they’d done throughout the twelve hours that they were apart. Cooper, realizing he had to make a stop at the rest room, attempted to untangle his arms from Ford’s. But he couldn’t. The two had been so attached for so long that they could no longer become unattached.

At first, he tried not to panic. This wasn’t too bad. After all, there were plenty of benefits of having someone else attached to you, right? You never have to worry about looking like a moron when you don’t have anyone to sit with in the cafeteria at school.

But then it hit him just how embarrassing this could be. What would the guys say? And what if they broke up? It would be seriously uncomfortable dating other girls when you’re permanently attached to your ex-girlfriend.

So then he began to panic. Ford, on the other hand, calmly led Cooper to the pay phones, where she called her mom and asked her to pick them up a little early.

Said Ford’s friend, Julie Philips, “I always knew something like this would happen. They’ve been pretty much permanently attached since they met at the beach approximately five days ago.”

Things were beginning to look as though the two would be forced to spend the rest of their lives with their arms permanently entangled. But after a three-hour emergency surgery, the couple was separated. Following a two-day recovery period, the two will be allowed to return to their homes. Cooper claims that the separation destroyed their relationship, and it is rumored that he’s now dating the tonsillectomy patient down the hall.

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