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Britney Spears made her long-awaited comeback at the 2007 MTV Video Music
Awards on Sunday, September 9, lip-syncing to her new song, “Gimme More.”
Britney’s outfit consisted of some sort of a black metallic-like
bra-and-panty combination (from which her butt cheeks hung) with
stiletto-heeled boots. She wore blue contact lenses, setting off her
light blonde hair extensions. And, if you ask me, Britney’s hair looked
like holy hell—you could see the hair extensions glued on to what remains
of the natural hair on Britney’s scalp. Oh, girl, what have you done to
yourself?
I watched Britney’s performance and thought she looked very tense and
stiff, stepping carefully like a nervous child at a dance recital. Miss
Brit was less than spectacular and pretty much walked back and forth from one end of the
stage to the other. The back-up dancers had much more energy than
Britney, and the dancing incorporated a few simulated sex acts between
Britney and both male and female dancers. The whole thing could have been
very steamy, but it was painfully obvious that Britney was just not into
it. I don’t think the audience was, either.
Maybe Britney was tired. Maybe she was up all night with the kids or
something. Maybe she was out clubbing all night the night before with
Diddy.
*****
Comedienne Sarah Silverman did a monologue after Britney’s performance,
marveling to the audience how, at 25 years of age, Britney has already
accomplished everything she’s ever going to do. She referred to
Britney’s kids as “the most adorable mistakes ever made” and went on to
imitate Britney’s boys by making odd facial contortions. I thought this
was uncalled for. I mean, leave the kids alone, you know? God knows
those poor little boys have enough on their plates.
*****
Kid Rock and Tommy Lee got in a fistfight at the show, and Tommy Lee was
dragged out by security. I would have thought they would have dressed up
just a little bit for something like the Video Music Awards. But they both
looked filthy, like they hadn’t slept in ages, and they were both dressed in grubby
clothes and hats. Kid Rock had a huge cigar clamped in his teeth.
Now, what do you suppose these two were fighting over? Mutual ex-wife Pam
Anderson, maybe?
*****
And of course, what would any celebrity gathering be without Paris Hilton?
Yes, Miz Hilton was in attendance at the VMAs. She wore a short hairstyle
that looked very nice on her.
The previous night, Paris was at a Las Vegas club, at a party hosted by
Christina Aguilera. She took over the microphone and announced
Christina’s pregnancy to the packed club. Christina looked shocked, and
her friends were stunned, so I think it’s fair to say that Paris Hilton
spontaneously shot her mouth off here.
Note to Paris Hilton: Hey, what were you doing at the VMAs and the
pre-parties, anyway? Don’t you have some work to do, like charity work, or maybe closing up the Malibu beach house? And when are you going to get around to that transitional housing for female convicts? The recidivism rate is
through the roof, you know, because these women have nowhere to go. And
here you are running around Las Vegas while the women of Los Angeles
County go to pot.
*****
Finally, is it me, or does it seem like the older Justin Timberlake gets,
the more he looks like Phil Collins?
Stay tuned.
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