Claus to Step Out of Tradition
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NORTH POLE After doing the same old thing for as long as anyone can remember, Santa Claus has been forced to change his ways.

Last year, on Christmas Day, during Santa’s annual Christmas party for the elves and reindeer, the reindeer announced that they had made their final Christmas Eve worldwide toy delivery flight. Every last one of them had decided to retire.

Santa was stunned. He never saw it coming. After all, they’d been a team forever. Santa barely remembered what it was like working without the reindeer. And they’d all worked out their system until they had finally made it to the point where Christmas Eve worked like clockwork.

But, try as he did, Santa couldn’t convince them to stay a few more years.

Said spokesdeer Comet, “Santa, we’re old, and we’re tired. And you’re not getting any thinner, you know. And toys are getting bigger and heavier. It’s much more complicated than the days when the sleigh was filled with nothing but dolls and trucks.” Comet then announced that the nine of them had purchased a nice ranch in Naples, Florida—where they now reside.

Santa finally gave up, realizing that there was no convincing them to stay. He immediately began searching for replacements, but no living creature was willing to work for as little pay (and for such an inferior benefits package—without as much as a 401k) as the reindeer had for all those years.

Realizing that he had nowhere else to turn, Santa took what money he had in the Claus, Inc. corporate account and headed to the nearest car dealership. After test driving a number of models, Santa found that the best vehicle for his business was the Dodge Caravan. It’s quite speedy, and there’s lots of cargo space.

Says Claus, “It’s not going to be the same without the deer, but I think the Caravan and I are perfectly capable of making this year’s run. And it’ll be much more comfortable than that sleigh.”

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