War, Livers, and Lies
Click here to buy posters
In Association with Amazon.com
We haven’t checked in with the Royals lately because there hasn’t been anything going on. But good things come to those who wait, don’t they? Read on.

Won’t You Come Home, Prince Harry?

In case you’ve been wondering why Prince Harry hasn’t been seen falling out of any hot London night spots since before Christmas, it’s because he was secretly deployed to Afghanistan.

It’s no secret that Harry wanted to go to war. It’s been said that if Harry couldn’t go, he would resign his commission in the British Army, or he would go live in Africa. In Afghanistan, Harry was a Forward Air Controller, stationed at a forward operating base in a bombed-out agricultural college. His responsibilities were to identify Taliban forces on the ground and coordinate attacks. It’s been reported that his role was specially created to keep him safe, but Britain’s Ministry of Defence claims that the guy who was doing Harry’s job before him needed a break.

Harry was reportedly very good at his job, and his conduct was exemplary. Harry said he didn’t miss booze, and it appears his only complaint was that his arse was sore from bouncing around in a turret. Harry thought it was “good fun to be one of the guys.” Well, I’m glad he was satisfied, because it took a serious amount of work to get the prince safely and secretly ensconced amongst “the guys” in the war zone. One has to wonder if it was worth it and whether the effort required might have been better spent on other things, rather than on Harry’s need to be “normal.”

In any event, the Army let him go to war (albeit in secret), but was he good for morale? Indeed, Harry showed he could be like everyone else, even though “everyone else” doesn’t have an elite guard unit standing by to evacuate them at a moment’s notice in case of some real danger. Uh-uh. Everyone else is on their own.

A deal was made with the press to keep quiet about Harry’s service in exchange for access to the prince. But—surprise!—there was a media leak, and they yanked him. While the U.S. media is being blamed for the leak via The Drudge Report, the information about Harry’s service first came to light on January 7, 2008, via New Idea, a small Australian news magazine.

What? No one thought this was going to get out? A better question might be: Should Harry, as a soldier serving his country, have a reasonable expectation of privacy? Is he entitled to privacy?

Publicity stunt? Who knows. But Harry did his duty. At least now he can hold his head up, as can his father and grandmother.

And now Harry can party with a clear conscience.

In Other Royal News…

Prince Charles Cries Fowl

Don’t expect to be served foie gras anymore at any royal functions. Prince Charles has taken a stand against the inclusion of the delicacy on royal menus because the pate is produced by force-feeding ducks and geese until their livers burst. Now the House of Cheese in Gloucestershire might lose its royal warrant because it sells the stuff.


Prince Phillip is reportedly “horrified” to learn that his mother may have been illegitimate because his grandparents had not sought royal approval for their marriage. Oh, for the love of Mike, the guy’s 85 years old. Who cares?!?

Will It Ever End?

The inquest into the deaths of Princess Diana and Dodi Al-Fayed is still going strong. Paul Burrell, the late princess’s rock-solid butler, is looking at perjury charges. It seems Burrell got half in the wrapper after giving testimony and was later caught on camera admitting to a friend that he lied. What a clown.

Oh, and Mohamed Al-Fayed testified that Prince Philip is a “Nazi racist.” Just so you know.

Well, here's hoping for some more news next month. Stay tuned.

Submissions Contributors Advertise About Us Contact Us Disclaimer Privacy Links Awards Request Review Contributor Login
© Copyright 2002 - 2018 NightsAndWeekends.com. All rights reserved.