Issue Schmissue
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Once again, the corporate world has inflicted another crippling blow to the English language through its inane desperation to sound educated and knowledgeable without training and, in some cases, the capacity to be so trained. This time, it’s the new cliché, “issue.” Just as with “attitude,” true meanings of this word have been beaten, tortured, and left for dead.

Now we are to believe that “issue” is synonymous with “problem.” Any dictionary provides several definitions of the word, but no where can I find “problem” as one of them. If such a thing were to become legitimate, can you imagine some of the ambiguous situations? Warning! If you are vocabulary challenged, do not continue without a lexicon.

* * *

“Hello, Acme Plumbers? Come right away. I have an issue under the sink in my bathroom.”

  
 
“What’s the problem, Ma’am?”

“I just told you—an issue.”

* * *

“How many want to issue for pizza?”

“Not me. I’d rather have it delivered.”

* * *

Dear Editor: I have an issue with your current issue.

* * *

Once a month, I go to all my tenants to collect the issues.

* * *

The doctor opened an issue in his leg to relieve the issues he was having.

* * *

Several spectators had issues with the issue from the trial.

* * *

The purpose of debate is to have issues with issues.

* * *

It seems that the Jones family is constantly having issues with their issue so Children’s Services got involved.

Now, if you had issues understanding the preceding, then I shall issue you a reminder: You don’t have issues—you have problems.

I rest my case.

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