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FLINT, MI Flint area police are currently devoting all of their manpower to the search for Howard Griffith, harmless janitor turned hardened criminal. Griffith has been running wild for the last two weeks, and the authorities just can’t seem to trap him.
Griffith’s murderous streak began several years ago, when his sister, Gwen, was thrown into hysterics by a renegade spider that had made its way onto her bathroom wall. Griffith, being the fearless hero that he is, came running to her assistance to squish the intruder.
At that point, something inside Griffith must have snapped. And, from that point on, he’s wanted nothing more than to squish bugs. Sick of waiting for the helpless creatures to invade his home, Griffith soon started to search for victims. Now he stalks his prey—around ant hills. Behind refrigerators. Under rotting logs. Griffith has been identified as the world’s first serial exterminator, and he is allegedly the cause of a number of brutal bug deaths in the Flint area and perhaps throughout the Midwest.
Be warned that Griffith may be anywhere—especially in heavily-wooded areas. He is completely unarmed, though highly dangerous—especially if you happen to be either six-legged or a member of the arachnid family. And, according to witnesses, Griffith is reportedly “just plain creepy.” So if you see him, just stay away from him and call the authorities immediately.
And be sure not to get in his way when he’s ready to make a kill. Just remember: this guy is missing a few nuts and bolts. If at all possible, just leave him alone. He has struck numerous times before, and he’s determined to strike again.
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