Project Sobfest
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TRIPLE THE DRAMA…NOT: This week’s Top Design Triathlon produced way too little commotion for my taste. The three events had individuals racing against the clock, leaving little time for them to get on each other’s nerves—darn!

Things did heat up a bit, though, after Nathan won both the Chair Event and the Dining Table Event—but only because he felt like a man with a target on his back, “I feel like all of the other contestants want to pour Visine in my coffee. I’m sure I’m going to be poisoned.”

Nathan’s worries went unproven, as the designers rushed to finish the third event, A Garden Room. Designers were kind and supportive of each other (snore) while struggling to create an environment made entirely from paint and plants.

The bald but beautiful Nathan did have another brief moment of panic, though, when Teresa, who’s always at the bottom during the judging, complimented his paint choice. “We’re using the same wall technique,” she said happily. A horrified Nathan told the cameras, “I diarrhea-ed in my mouth,” then quickly rushed to repaint his room.

Natalie, the youngest contestant on the show, won the last event, but Nathan was crowned the all-around Design Triathlon winner. When quiet Teresa and her horrible paint choice got the axe, nobody was surprised. Especially Nathan.

The one glimmer of fabulous drama among the mostly snoozy episode of Top Design? Kelly Wearstler as the Bride of Frankenstein! Kelly wrestled her over-crimped hair into a gravity-defying French twist, the perfect complement to her hombre sequined tank dress. Oh, Kelly, I’m so glad you’re back!

TULLE TELL THE TRUTH: Host Heidi Klum appeared in a leopard printed mini-mini to announce Project Runway’s last regular challenge of the season—create an evening gown inspired by nature. This final elimination, which would decide which three designers compete at Fashion Week, was a fabulous train wreck of tears and tantrums. Yesssss!

Kenley lost her tulle—and her cool. Halfway through the design process, temperamental pinup-esque designer Kenley realized that she forgot her bag of fabric back at the store. She was depressed…then furious…then she blamed the universe for her lot in life (a typical PR challenge for her so far). But when she resorted to pressuring the other designers to give up their extra fabric, she got what her uppity attitude has deserved all season—the icy cold shoulder of distain. Korto made it clear that she’d rather waste her extra tulle than share it with someone like Kenley, and Jerell simply said, “No,” with pursed lips.

Kenley isolated herself on the other side of the room for a good mid-design pout, earning her eye rolls from the others. No one felt sorry for her. When frustrated Kenley finally broke down and gave Tim Gunn a whiny rant about her fabric disaster, the elegant gentleman solved the problem with quick grace, letting her return to the fabric store immediately. It turns out there was no need to be such a cranky girl in the first place, but the damage was done—so Kenley decided to escalate her drama even more.

The belligerent brunette turned on judges when her design was called “creepy” at the runway show. “I wasn’t going for pretty,” she snapped, adding that she didn’t want to create something beautiful at all. Judges were offended and unimpressed with Kenley’s indignant sniffles.

A river of tears spilled next on the runway, when contestants were asked why they should be voted through to Fashion Week and who should accompany them there. Jerell sobbed as he tried to explain why the experience was important for him, an emotional Leanne promised an exciting show, and Korto pleaded, promising to bring her best to Bryant Park. All three agreed that they didn’t want Kenley to join them.

Kenley didn’t take the criticism well (no shock there), and she insisted through her tears that she was the most deserving of the big chance because she’s a risk taker. She meant in fashion, but I’d say she was a risk taker in tact as well. “Can you imagine her with a buyer?” asked judge Michael Kors. He pictured an insulted Kenley knifing her paying clients for any criticism they might offer.

Then, in the most shocking twist of the season, Kenley wasn’t kicked off! All eyebrows shot up as it was explained. Jerell won the challenge, but judges couldn’t decide which of the designers to eliminate. They were deadlocked. All four contestants will return home to create collections for Fashion Week, then return next Wednesday to battle it out again for the top three spots.

We’ll have to wait another week to find out which three designers will show at Bryant Park. Who will have the most amazing collection? Who will be sent home? And the important question: Will Kenley find Prozac? I can’t wait to find out!

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