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Everyone loves a movie about a cute, precocious kid, right? Throw in a lovably unruly pet, and you’ve got family movie gold. So that must mean that a movie about a handful of precocious kids and a vacant hotel full of dogs of all shapes and sizes would be the Greatest Family Movie Ever Made, right?
Well…not really.
Sixteen-year-old Andi (Emma Roberts) and her 11-year-old brother, Bruce (Jake T. Austin), may not have their parents anymore, but at least they’ve still got each other. Unbeknownst to their latest foster parents, clueless rockers Lois and Carl (Lisa Kudrow and Kevin Dillon), and their sponsor, Bernie (Don Cheadle), they also have their family’s dog, Friday.
When Friday ends up at the pound one too many times, Andi decides that it’s time to find him a real family. What they find is an old, rundown, abandoned hotel, which a pair of strays have already claimed as their home. With the help of a couple of pet store clerks and a kid who lives down the street, Andi and Bruce secretly start their own little family, rescuing strays and creating a new home for them at the hotel for dogs.
Hotel for Dogs is an extremely difficult movie to review. You see, it’s a movie about orphans and stray dogs. How can I possibly say anything negative about that without sounding like a heartless critic who hates kids and puppies?
And that, my friends, is the movie’s greatest fault: it’s all just too carefully calculated.
Sure, the kids are cute—despite the fact that, in the beginning of the movie, they come off as lovable juvenile delinquents. The dogs are adorable, too—even Cooper, who gnaws through everything in sight. And when you put them together, you get some pretty clever inventions (including an automatic feeding system and waste removal) from brainy little Bruce. For most kids (and even some parents), that’s probably good enough.
For the rest of us, though, there’s that constant nagging feeling that we’re being not-so-subtly manipulated. Hotel for Dogs holds nothing back. You’ve got your poor, sad orphans who are so smart and cute and lovable, but they still can’t find anyone to love them. You’ve got your poor, lonely puppies who will die in the pound if no one comes to rescue them. They even throw in a three-legged dog for added effect. And the kids’ foster parents? They’re both ridiculous and heartless—talentless musicians who keep the pantry locked (except during rigidly-scheduled mealtimes).
For the most part, Hotel for Dogs is just the same old schmaltzy family movie. It has its good parts (Bruce’s inventions) and its bad parts (the foster parents). It’s predictable and syrupy-sweet. And while most kids (and fanatical dog lovers) probably won’t mind, it’s just too painfully obvious for anyone over 12.
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