A Potpourri of Royal News
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If you think you have it hard in these troubled economic times, take heart—you’re not alone. Times are tough for the Queen & Co., too. Read on to learn about some of Her Majesty’s cost-cutting measures.

The Queen has instructed the staff to serve the leftovers rather than throw them out. Wait a minute. Throw them out? They used to throw them out? What about the Corgis? The Corgis are getting better than leftovers?

The Queen is growing her own veggies and flowers to save money. Somehow, I don’t believe there’s a garden patch out behind the palace. There must be a hothouse operating somewhere. She’s also going to plant fruit trees at Balmoral in Scotland.

The Queen requested an evening gown be made from 20-year-old material, which she wore to a state dinner. And I betcha no one noticed it was “old.”

The Queen’s Christmas party is now going to be held every two years. She put the kibosh on the yearly Christmas party. Too expensive.

The Queen decorated the palace Christmas tree with cheap decorations from the Buckingham Palace gift shop. Why would the Queen buy new decorations, cheap or otherwise? Why not just use what they have? Surely there are enough heirloom decorations spanning centuries lying around the palaces to decorate a tree, no?

The Queen gave drink coasters to the staff as Christmas gifts. Normally, staff members would be allowed to pick out their own gifts, the size of which is determined by their length of service. But this year everyone got the same thing: silver-plated coasters bearing the Royal ERII cipher. And the Queen got a real bargain—she had them made in China and saved herself a fortune.

Seems to me that she just could have given the staff gift cards to the Buckingham Palace gift shop.

And Speaking of the Royal Christmas Tree…

The 18-foot Christmas tree at the Queen’s Sandringham home fell over right before the royal family opened their presents. It seems a staff member bumped into it and knocked it over, and those cheap Buckingham-Palace-Gift-Shop-$7.95-Ornaments broke all over the place. The Queen was not amused.

And the Excitement Continues

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, had a front-row seat to watch a guy shave his beard for charity.

Princess Anne opened a new fire station.

Prince William grew a beard. Then he shaved it off.


In other news:

How to Start an Investigation

Horror of horrors—a servant sent Christmas cards to members of the royal family using their Christian names. This is Simply Not Done. A complaint was lodged by Clarence House (who do you suppose that was?), and an inquiry is underway. For real.

And Not Only That…

The Queen’s guardsmen are under investigation for selling their bearskin hats and silver breastplates on eBay. Well, whaddaya expect? Times are tough. There’s probably no overtime available at the palace gates, what with the economic crisis. Geez, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Paris Meets Britain

Good news. Paris Hilton said she did not give Princes William and Harry her number when she met the princes and their girlfriends. Prince William was invited to Paris’s New Year’s Eve party, but the Palace has forbidden William to associate with her. Despite the snub, Paris pronounced Kate Middleton “very sophisticated and elegant.” Well, she would know, being the epitome of sophistication and elegance herself. Paris likened Los Angeles dress style as “Barbie-esque” and the UK as “Audrey Hepburn-type look.”

“Barbie-esque?” What the hell kind of a word is that? Paris-speak?

In Search Of…

Princess Beatrice, daughter of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson, had her BMW stolen after she and her protection officer went into a shop and left the keys in the ignition. Okay? ‘Nuff said.

And, by the by, Princess Beatrice also lost her dog last month.

Bea seems to have trouble keeping track of her things.

And the Numbers Are In…

Not to portray Camilla (“Don’t-Call-Me-Work-Shy”), Duchess of Cornwall, in a bad light, but here are the figures for 2008 official royal engagements:

The Queen: 425

Princess Anne: 613

Camilla: 137

Looking Ahead…

The Queen will host a state visit by President Felipe Calderon of Mexico in March, and there’s going to be a state banquet! Ooooh, I can’t wait to see what’s for dinner. Tacos? Quesadillas? Dos Equis cerveza?

Stay tuned.

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