Fashionably-Challenged Man Still at Large
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WASHINGTON, D.C. For years, people around the world have been on the lookout for an oddly-dressed escape artist known only as “Waldo,” yet he continues to elude the authorities, as well as Waldo-hunters everywhere.

Waldo, whose true identity is still unknown, has been able to avoid being spotted for several years now, even though he continually dresses in a conspicuous red-and-white-striped sweater and hat.

To flee the attention of those searching for him, Waldo has been known to hide in areas that are highly populated by strange creatures, such as elves, surfers, knights, and Waldo lookalikes.

The FBI and CIA have designated special agents to research both Waldo’s true identity and whereabouts. Lead agent Rupert Franklin has been heading up the project for fifteen years. “Unfortunately, we have little to report. We have several leads that we can’t divulge at this time. We’re still looking into those. We can, however, reveal that the man we’re looking for is not—and never has been—an African lion tamer or an NFL mascot.”

  
 
When asked why, exactly, the FBI is looking for Waldo, Franklin shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “That’s on a need-to-know basis,” he explains. “Let’s just say that he’s a person of interest.”

Several years ago, in order to increase the possibility of finding Waldo, Franklin and his team published a number of books, requesting that people around the world aid in the search. One such Waldo-hunter is Jon R. Nesbitt of Jetson, Kentucky.

“I’ve been looking fer that Waldo character for ages now, but I can’t find ‘im nowhere. Once I thought I saw ‘im in that scary castle with all them ghosts an’ werewolves an’ the like, but it was just a werewolf in a striped shirt. But maybe that there Waldo is a werewolf. Maybe they should look into that,” Nesbitt suggested.

Franklin and his team are still on the trail of this mysterious creature. Anyone with any information about Waldo—his identity, his location, or where he buys his clothes, please contact Franklin at the FBI’s main headquarters, Where’s Waldo Division.

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