Day-Long Standoff Claims Single Victim
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BALDWIN, MI Hundreds of men—and a few women, too—gathered in the wilderness surrounding Baldwin yesterday, all heavily armed and clad in camouflage and fluorescent orange, planning to stalk and ambush the enemy.

The men came in small groups before splitting up, each taking their own section of the wooded area. And there they waited. They crouched silently behind trees. They kneeled in patches of brush. They watched—their rifles loaded, their ammunition at their side—anticipating the battle that was to come.

For there, in those woods, lived the enemy. There lived the ones who dared to think that they could just go on living their lives the way they did. Roaming the wilderness. Living off the land. Wandering through peoples’ yards. Running through the streets at dusk, striking fear into the hearts of drivers and passengers everywhere. Sometimes, their kamikaze missions even caused serious damage to vehicles. This had to stop.

So yesterday, November 15th, was the day when those specially gifted, heroic men and women would hunt down the enemy to show them who was in charge. It was the first day of deer hunting season.

And they gathered—hundreds of them. They came at the crack of dawn and waited. And watched.

And waited.

And watched.

Somehow, the enemy must have known that they were there. So both sides sat in silence. Neither side would move.

The standoff continued all day—through the morning hours, throughout the afternoon, and into the evening. And it became dark—a little more difficult to see.

And suddenly, there was a rustling sound, and a shot rang through the forest. The explosion echoed from one side of the wilderness to the other. And then, once again, all was silent.

One of the heroes ran forward, eager to check on the damage he had done to the enemy.

And as the sun set, the warriors retreated empty-handed back to their pickup trucks—all of them but one. He carried home the day’s trophy: a small black squirrel that had accidentally made too much noise when gathering acorns for the winter.

And back in the wilderness, once the coast was clear, the deer came out of hiding and dined on the bits of beef jerky that their enemies had left behind.

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