The Twilight Saga: New Moon
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Not since the Jonas Brothers came through town have young girls been worked into such frenzy. Just a year after the teen movie sensation, Twilight, made its record-breaking debut, the whole cast of moody teen blood-suckers is back for the follow-up, New Moon.

Fortunately (for those frenzied young girls, at least), director Chris Weitz packs the film with as much sappy teen drama and shirtless teen monster eye candy as possible—but, unfortunately (for the rest of us), he sacrifices most of the story’s action and suspense to do so.

For the most part, though, New Moon stays faithful to Stephenie Meyer’s book. As the film opens, star-crossed teen lovers Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart) are still blissfully in love. But when Bella’s birthday bash ends in disaster, Edward forces himself to face the facts: their relationship isn’t good for her. The only way he can truly protect her is to leave her—so she can go back to living a normal, human life.

Eventually, after months of moping, Bella finally gets out of the house and starts spending time with Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). For audiences, Jake’s big, gleaming grin is a refreshing change of pace from Edward’s incessant brooding—and, for Bella, he’s a much-needed distraction. But just as her wounds begin to heal, something strange happens to Jake. He refuses to talk to her, and he starts hanging around with a shady pack of guys from the reservation. He also stops wearing shirts altogether. And when the truth finally comes out, Bella once again finds herself in danger.

Like Twilight, New Moon is moody and melodramatic, filled with mushy teen romance and tearful longing. In fact, the book’s most thrilling and suspenseful moments are skimmed over, in exchange for more romance and melodrama—all of which is then emphasized even more by the film’s big, dramatic, orchestral score.

Still, New Moon is surprisingly less brooding than the book, thanks to the early arrival of Lautner’s Jake. He brings something completely unprecedented to the Twilight saga: happiness. He’s such a delightfully easy-going character (one who actually smiles, no less!) that he’ll make you wish that Bella would just say “Edward who?” and get on with her life already. But, alas, that would cut the series short—and, considering the ridiculous amount of money that these movies make, there’s no way that’ll happen.

Sure, New Moon is sappy and over-the-top. It’s heavy on brooding and light on action. But its teenage audience won’t care about any of that. They’ll just love it because it’s sweet and romantic—and it’s filled with pretty boys who have a penchant for showing off their perfectly toned pecs. And, really, compared to the oppressive moodiness of Twilight, New Moon nearly seems downright cheery. So while it’s definitely not for anyone with a Y chromosome, it’s guaranteed to cause frenzied [female] teen fans to scream themselves hoarse.

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