Police Investigate Death at DMV
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QUIGGLEVILLE, MI The Quiggleville police department is currently investigating the mysterious death of an unidentified man at the local Department of Motor Vehicles.

The body was discovered yesterday afternoon at approximately 3 p.m. and has been identified as a Caucasian male in his mid-seventies. The cause of death is still under investigation. The man was discovered to be deceased when his number was called, and he failed to respond to the call.

Details of the man’s death still remain mysterious. It appears as though the man died quietly and of natural causes—though the Quiggleville medical examiner suspects that boredom may have played a part. None of those who had been seated in the general vicinity of the man seemed to know anything about him. They didn’t know when he had shown up or when he had died. They said they had pretty much lost all track of time ever since they walked through the door. Most of them were also unsure what day it was when they were questioned.

The death of this unidentified man has piqued the interest of drivers throughout the country. A number of them have joined together to form CADD, Citizens Against DMV Deaths, an organization dedicated to reducing the number of DMV-related deaths by increasing awareness about the phenomenon known as DMV Time Warp. DMV Time Warp is a disease that slowly shuts down a number of portions of the brains of those seated in line at the DMV, causing them to lose all track of time. Often, the disease forces time to slow down so much that it causes the internal organs of those waiting to renew their driver’s license to completely shut down, slowing causing their death.

The management of the Quiggleville DMV office is still refusing to take any portion of the responsibility for the unidentified man’s death. When questioned about the incident, one DMV employee merely shrugged and responded, “His number was up.”

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