Shrek Forever After
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I think it’s safe to say that all of us, from time to time, have those days. You know—the days when nothing seems to go the way you’d planned. When the sun hides behind the clouds. When you discover another gray hair. When you stub your toe while racing to stop your dinner from burning. Well, in Shrek Forever After, the big green ogre is having one of those days—and the result is one of those movies.

Once upon a time, Shrek (Mike Myers) was a force to be reckoned with. He was a big, scary ogre who sent villagers running for their lives with just one roar. But now that he’s settled down with his wife, Fiona (Cameron Diaz), and their three kids, he’s gotten bored with the monotony of his Happily Ever After.

After a meltdown at his kids’ birthday party, Shrek wanders into the woods, where he meets Rumpelstiltskin (Walt Dohrn), a wily little guy who specializes in magical deals. After a few eyeballtinis, Shrek confesses his longing to be a normal ogre again for just one day. Rumpelstiltskin produces a contract, trading one day as an ogre for one day in Shrek’s childhood, and the deal is sealed.

It’s the perfect day, too—until Shrek discovers that he’s traded in the day he was born. His old friends don’t even know who he is—and Fiona is now the head of the resistance against Rumpelstiltskin, who’s taken over the kingdom. Unless Shrek can get Fiona to fall in love with him by sunrise, he’ll cease to exist—and Rumpelstiltskin will rule forever.

Like its iconic main character, the Shrek franchise appears to have found itself in the midst of a pretty significant midlife crisis—but instead of dyeing its hair, buying a sports car, and trying to pick up some flighty young blonde, it’s simply given up. It seems to acknowledge that its best days are behind it—and it might as well just slog its way through one last movie and get it over with already.

Instead of the wacky fairy tale parody of earlier films, Shrek Forever After tells a darker, drearier story. Shrek is sick of his life—of the dirty diapers and the constant reminders of what he once was. So, with a tired slump in his shoulders, he drunkenly signs his life over to some creepy little stranger (with an even creepier giant goose as a sidekick). Of course, he eventually realizes what it is that he’s lost—but, by then, it’s too late. That goofy, happy-go-lucky tone of the earlier Shrek films is gone—and in its place is a surprisingly drab adventure.

I realize that I’ve often criticized the franchise for its cheap, dim-witted gags (which usually revolve around bodily functions). But, as it turns out, when you take away the overabundant poop jokes and nudge-nudge-wink-wink innuendo, there isn’t a whole lot left—just the same old story, with Shrek and Company racing to save the kingdom (again) before it’s too late. Granted, it’ll provide 90 minutes of decent ogre entertainment for Shrek-loving kids, but it just feels like more of the same. And although Antonio Banderas’s plump Puss in Boots does get a few laughs—and creepy Rumpelstiltskin and his Pied Piper are a much-needed change of pace from the same old Prince Charming drama—they’re just not enough to save the franchise.

I never thought I’d miss the cheap laughs of the earlier Shrek movies—but some flying 3D feces may have lightened up this half-hearted, ho-hum fairy tale finale.

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