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Here’s the scenario: you just met a man who you consider to possibly be “datable.” Do you have the right to ask him those personal questions that will give you insight into his character? And if he answers, how can you know that he’s telling the truth? Ex-CIA polygraph examiner and special investigator Dan Crum maintains that you do have the right (no matter how defensive your potential “soul mate” gets), and he also explains how to tell if the man is lying in his new book, Is He Lying to You?
Crum uses his professional expertise to educate women on how they can detect deception from a man’s verbal and non-verbal clues. He also addresses the reasons men lie, the levels of deception and omission, and when women should be concerned.
The “Dating Detective,” as Crum refers to himself, starts with a speed-dating set-up, in which a woman meets four men. We need to figure out which of them are lying. But he doesn’t reveal the answer immediately; instead, we keep this situation in mind as we learn the process of detecting deception throughout the book. The setting is revisited at the end of the book, and we learn who the liars are.
To help us remember these lie detecting skills, he uses acronyms, such as Get REELL: reset, eyes, ears, look, listen. Women have preconceived notions. We have to stop looking for truthful behavior because we’ll always find it, and it can be easily faked. On the other hand, we still have to leave emotional baggage behind and approach each new date as a blank slate. We have to develop a “Window of Focus” (WOF) and start out with “What is normal” (WIN). Confused? Don’t worry; each concept is described in detail.
What facilitates this process is that Crum reiterates these steps in different scenarios. This isn’t simple; it takes practice. The reader is instructed to keep a journal (which is available for free download) and to complete the action plans suggested at the end of each chapter. Then he has you try out your newly learned skills on people you deal with every day.
Crum’s technique isn’t just useful in romantic situations; you can use it to help you filter out deception anywhere. Can you believe your boss when he says that that the company can’t afford to give you a raise? Does your friend really need to borrow money from you? Is that used car salesman telling the truth when he says that the car is really practically new? Crum concludes with advanced concepts that I deem as essential—setting the stage and planning before you ask these telling questions.
I would recommend Is He Lying to You? to everyone who’s sick of being lied to. The book provides key lie detection skills in a complete but readable and even entertaining manner. Of course, you have to be ready and willing to accept the truth. Are you?
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