William and Kate Plus a Wedding Date
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Unless you’ve been living in a cave somewhere, or you just don’t give a poop, the big news is that Britain’s Prince William has finally proposed to his long-time girlfriend, Kate Middleton. (And here I was wondering if they weren’t already married, seeing as they have been living together and all.)

Now, I hate to jump the gun on this whole wedding thing, but people have been hounding me for a column. I was going to wait because the news that’s out there now is news you can get just about anywhere, and a lot of it is premature speculation (and you know how I am about digging around for the good stuff). But some of you asked, and I’m obliging, so here goes—all, of course, subject to change with the wind.

The Proposal

The Prince proposed in a log cabin in Kenya, while the couple were on holiday. You know, it seems to me that these two have taken an awful lot of holidays. Well, party’s over, kids. Time to get to work.

The Ring

William gave Kate his mother’s engagement ring. Is Princess Diana’s sapphire and diamond stunner a fond memory or a tragic symbol? Those weirdos with a morbid curiosity are waiting to find out.

The Royal Family’s Reaction

While the Queen is said to be “delighted” with her grandson’s engagement, and Prince Harry “gets the sister [he’s] always wanted,” Prince Charles’s comment about his son’s engagement was, “They’ve been practicing long enough.” Oh, yeah. Like he’s got room to talk, after carrying on a 30-year affair. Honestly, the man is like Eeyore the donkey. Does he have a big doom cloud over his head or what? Lighten up, Charles. I mean, really.

The Wedding

Word has it that, in keeping the with the tough economic times and the fact that William is "only" second in line to the throne and thus not entitled to a state affair, the wedding’s going to be “cheap”—between $20-$40 million or so—and Charles is paying. And we all know he’s a tightwad, which means the Queen will probably kick in. (Rumor has it the Middletons will not be expected to contribute.) Besides, the Queen called off the staff Christmas party because of the hard economic times, so one can’t very well make a hypocrite of oneself, can one? (By the by, I hear the staff’s really ticked about the party being called off, but that’s a story for another day.)

The Venue

Kate was seen leaving Westminster Abbey with courtiers and Abbey personnel, so the buzz is the wedding might be held there.

The Date

There isn’t one yet, but supposedly in the spring or summer of 2011. There is speculation that July 8 could be the date, but I don’t know why. I also heard the couple wanted to get married in March.

Why They Waited

According to a TV interview following the couple’s engagement, the prince stated, “I want to make sure [the Middletons] have the best guidance and the chance to see what life has been like or is like in the family. That’s almost why I have been waiting this long... I wanted to give [Kate] a chance to see in and back out if she needed to before it all got too much.” Okay. So no one can say they weren’t warned.

And So It Begins

Kate is already being hailed as—God forbid—the “New Diana.” Everything having to do with William and Kate is being cast alongside Charles and Diana and their ill-fated marriage. What a way to start a life together. I mean, can we at least hold out a little hope for these two? Just a little? After all, the young lady does have a college education and—God willing—William doesn’t have his father’s personality.

William and Kate Fun Facts

Did you know...

  • If Kate becomes queen she will be the first British monarch with a college degree.

  • Kate will also be the oldest bride to marry a future king. (Camilla doesn’t count here. We’re talking “spinster,” not “divorcee.”)

  • The dark blue dress Kate wore for her first official interview is by Brazilian designer Issa. Kate has the dress in every color available. Well, she’s going to have to knock that off, ‘cause that’s a fashion faux pas of the highest order.

  • William’s pet name for Kate is “Babykins” and hers for him is “Big Willie.” Okay. We won’t go there.
* * * * *

Like I said, nothing’s set in stone yet. I, of course, will be on the lookout for news of the wedding menu and choice of hats. I imagine Camilla will have some devastating headgear for this occasion, but it all remains to be seen.

Stay tuned.

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