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CASH, MO Cash residents are astir with reports about the new high-class restaurant that has recently opened in town. Though many of the town’s residents will never be able to afford to dine at Chez Aroganse, they enjoy driving past, trying to look in the windows.
Chez Aroganse, the town’s newest fine dining establishment, is a place where the rich and influential people of the town can come to dine with their kind—because the riff-raff will never, ever be allowed to show their faces there. There are, after all, mandatory background and credit checks for anyone attempting to make a reservation.
Inside, the restaurant (which is located in the strip mall next to the Island Bronze tanning salon) offers a somewhat sterile, white environment, decorated with a variety of faux (for those of you who don’t know, that means fake) bronze knick-knacks on the walls.
The menu is written entirely in a faux foreign language that was made up by Chez owner and head chef Winston S. Chamberlain, III. While the words on the menu mean absolutely nothing, though, they sound very fancy and rich. The food, meanwhile, is mostly comprised of microscopic portions of bland, overcooked meat, which is then garnished with three soggy green beans. Patrons are then left to figure out which of the six forks on their table is the soggy-green-bean fork, all the while worrying that they’ll look like uncouth idiots in front of their wealthy and influential dining companions.
But the ambience and distinctive menu aren’t the only things that draw the rich and influential to Chez Aroganse. It’s also the service. Snotty waiters (all of whom are named Pierre) come to the table, speaking in faux accents, and treat their patrons as though they were a disruption to the hockey game that’s on in the kitchen. Then they take their guests’ orders and disappear, not to return until the end of the next period.
For this extraordinary dining experience, patrons shell out outrageous amounts of money, which they usually write off as a business expense.
Meanwhile, the regular people of Cash drive by, Big Mac in hand, craning their necks, in hopes that they’ll get a glimpse of what it is that makes Chez Aroganse so very fabulous.
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