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ASHEVILLE, NC An unexpected thunderstorm on Saturday caused the five members of the Nelson family to change their summer afternoon plans. They had planned to participate in a number of outdoor activities together, as a family—including a picnic at the park and such popular summer sports as lawn darts and horseshoes. But they were forced to reschedule their family picnic and find something else to do.
While many neighboring families headed out to the mall, the movie theater, or the bowling alley, Mrs. Suzanne Nelson decided that it would be best for their family to spend the day at home. They then began planning a number of family bonding activities. Mrs. Nelson made a trip out to Movies ‘R’ Us to pick up some family entertainment while her husband, Chuck, and the three kids (Krissy, age 13, Chuck, Jr., age 11, and Missy, age 8) prepared their favorite snacks.
The afternoon, however, did not go exactly as planned.
By the time Mrs. Nelson beat off several angry mothers, all of whom were fighting for the last Disney movie, Mr. Nelson and the kids had almost set the kitchen on fire in an attempt to bake cookies. Mrs. Nelson was welcomed home by the sound of the smoke detector, which Mr. Nelson could not get to shut off. He beat it and poked it until he finally gave up and took a hammer to it. The noise didn’t seem to go away after he mutilated the smoke detector, though, since Krissy and Chuckie were screaming at each other, blaming each other for burning the cookies. Missy, meanwhile, seemed to be shrieking for no apparent reason.
Mrs. Nelson got out the board games, which led to a number of arguments, including (but not limited to): “I want to sit next to Mom,” “I want to be the blue one,” and “You’re a big fat cheater.” Much poking, kicking, swatting, and whining was also involved.
At that point, the Nelsons were herded into the family’s Mercury Villager, and the youngest three were dropped off at the mall. The only words of instruction they received before the van door slammed behind them were: “Just be back here when the mall closes.”
Mr. and Mrs. Nelson then sped home to watch Disney movies and eat burnt cookies in peace.
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