The “Other” Royal Wedding
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You may have heard there’s been another royal wedding—this time in Monaco, where Prince Albert II married former South African Olympic swimmer Charlene Wittstock, twenty years his junior, after a five-year courtship.

And just when you thought there weren't any fun royals around, it seems that Prince Albert II of Monaco is in the spotlight because he’s got illegitimate kids running around all over the place. Well, okay, at least two as of right now. Apparently, it’s up in the air as to whether there is another child—DNA testing is pending—and whether the alleged fathering of this child took place during their courtship. In other words, did he cheat?

There’s vehement denial from the Palace that Miss Charlene tried to “escape” from Monaco three times, presumably to avoid the wedding. At one point, she was discovered at the Nice airport, clutching a one-way ticket to South Africa, but she was “persuaded” to stay by the police, whose method of “persuasion” was to take away the woman’s passport, so she could not leave the principality. Yeah, well, that’ll do it.

  
 
And when it comes to Monaco, you can’t run, and you can’t hide. This tiny principality (about the size of Central Park) that caters to the rich and famous reportedly has more close-captioned TV cameras than almost anywhere else in the world, and it has the world’s largest police force per capita and per area. In addition, the prince has a military bodyguard unit that includes in excess of 100 French Army officers and is equipped with M16 rifles and 9mm pistols. (That’s some persuasion.)

In any event, Charlene showed up for the wedding. First, a civil ceremony was held on July 1. The two of them sat stiffly in the throne room, looking like they were applying for a mortgage (as my sister so aptly put it). Prince Albert winked throughout the ceremony. The next day was the religious wedding, where the bride wore an exquisite Armani gown and the groom wore a uniform. As Prince Albert walked down the aisle, he turned his head left and right, winking yet again at everyone. (Maybe he has a nervous tic. Who knows.) As Albert and Charlene knelt at the alter, they both looked as though they were barely hanging on. By the end of the ceremony, the bride was in tears, and the prince looked less than sympathetic.

Rumor has it that any DNA results will not be released until the couple returns from their honeymoon in South Africa, thus denying the princess the opportunity to refuse to return to Monaco.

So if things are all that bad, why did she go through with it? What if the DNA test comes back positive and it turns out he cheated? Then what is she going to do? Leave? It's kind of late for that (although she can swim). I mean, it's not like this should be a huge surprise. Hell, five years after Princess Grace's death, this family went to pot with all of the out-of-wedlock kids, divorces and other shenanigans. They're all dysfunctional in one way or another. Anyway, the European papers are reporting that Charlene and Albert came to an arrangement, whereby she would provide him with a legitimate heir to the throne in return for a multi-mullion-dollar lifestyle.

Could it be true that the princess was not allowed to leave Monaco and thus somehow forced into a royal farce? Hard to believe. I’m keeping my eye on these two.

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