“Aliens Abducted My Pigs,” Claims Farmer
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ROCHESTER, IN Rochester farmer Harold Turner made a strange phone call to local officials this morning. Turner claims that he witnessed the abduction of two of his pigs. They disappeared for two days, after which they were returned to their pens.

The alleged abduction took place early on Wednesday morning. Turner had just taken a walk through the pen to say “good morning” to his pigs. Just as he was walking across the yard to his house, he heard what he called a “zinging noise.” Then multi-colored lights began to flash.

“The spaceship looked just like a gigantic school bus—but it was silver instead of yellow,” Turner reported.

Turner turned around just in time to see a huge, orange beam of light come out of the ship as it hovered over the pen. The chickens began to make an unbelievable amount of noise as two of the pigs, Randy and Bob, were quickly sucked into the ship. A door closed behind them, and the bus/ship sped off into the distance.

“They were gone for two whole days,” said Turner. “But they came back early this morning. That big bus came back. It just stopped over the barn for a second, and then it left.”

Turner went running to his barn and discovered that Randy and Bob had been miraculously returned to their home. No apparent damage had been done—they were in perfect condition—but Turner is still skeptical. “They look different. Smarter. Like they’re trying to tell me something. I know they’ll start talking soon. I know it.”

Members of the community are already forming their opinions about the happenings on Turner’s farm. Sci-fi bloggers and other experts have started gathering at the farm with all sorts of paraphernalia, testing various energy and ectoplasmic levels. Many neighbors, on the other hand, believe that Turner’s just trying to cover up the fact that he lost those two pigs yet again. Others, meanwhile, suggest that his frequent visits to Rudy’s Bar & Grill downtown (and the accompanying bar tab) could explain his recent sightings.

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