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The entire world celebrates today because—after millennia of war, famine, and pestilence throughout the entire world—it was all officially called off yesterday. From now on, no one will fight with anyone else, and everyone will have enough to eat.
The solution to these devastating problems that have been plaguing our planet for as long as people have inhabited it turned out to be quite simple: the Magic Word.
It all happened when, in the heat of battle in some Tiny Obscure Country, American general Chester Brown paused from his fighting, looked his opposing general (whose name we won’t attempt to spell) in the eye, and said, “Would you please stop fighting with us?”
Using a translator, the opposing general then responded by saying, “Sure. Why not?”
And the wave of politeness just continued from there—all because of the Magic Word, please. Since Brown’s discovery of the previously confidential and rarely-used Magic Word, starvation was also ended by a bunch of people who just stopped to ask, “May we please have some food?” Marriages were saved by spouses who asked, “Would you please stop being such an idiot?” And the prices of Sport Utility Vehicles have dropped significantly, thanks to consumers who asked dealers, “Could you please charge me less for this stylish gas-guzzler?”
It seems as though the key to success and harmony on our planet has been solved by one man’s amazing discovery of a concept that has been secretly held by elementary school children for thousands of years: just use the Magic Word, and everything will be okay.
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