Not World News Unless You Count the Pink Rabbit
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines contains a lady trapped in a Lifetime Movie, a guy who’s a foot flasher, a man who can’t keep his pants up, and three guys whose biggest wish in life is to possess an inflatable doll—just regular folks.

The Bobbi Parker Story
Originally reported by Yahoo! News

Bobbie Parker was married to a former Oklahoma prison warden until she helped convicted murderer Randolph Franklin Dial escape. Parker was guilty as charged, according to a jury of her peers (fellow Lifetime Movie fans).

Parker claimed Dial had kidnapped her. Nearly 11 years later, police say they found the pair living happily as man and wife on a chicken ranch.

Bobbi Parker didn’t react when the jury read her verdict; her husband, Randy, bowed his head and blew noisily into a hankie that a family member offered him.

Bobbi’s attorney claims Dial threatened that his alleged mob connections would harm Parker’s family if she ran away or tried to get help.

Alleged mob connections? Oh, the chicken ranch has Witness Protection Program written all over it.

The Law North of the Pecos
Originally reported by United Press International

A Cleveland public defender was ordered to hold up his client’s pants so he could plead guilty.

Judge Brendan Sheehan ordered Jeffrey Dodson, 51, who had been in jail for seventy-two days awaiting trial and was not allowed a belt for his court appearance, to raise his right hand to be sworn in. His handcuffs forced him to lift both hands, which made his pants fall down.

In a separate ruling, Sheehan, known as the Judge Roy Bean of Ohio, said that, for the sentencing hearing, “The defendant damned well better be wearing a belt.”

Not Known If They Have Good Lungs
Originally reported by United Press International

Russian police said that three armed robbers held up The Pink Rabbit sex shop and stole an inflatable doll.

The men entered the downtown St. Petersburg shop around 6 a. m. and pointed a gun at the clerk, age 35.

They then took off with the worker’s cell phone and his e-book reader, as well as the blow-up doll.

Textbook case, as an inflatable sex doll heist requires at least three armed robbers.

Barefoot Boy
Originally reported by WKRC Cincinnati

An Ohio legislative panel blocked an attempt to bar a Statehouse ban on visitors with bare feet.

Bob Neinast, 57, known as “Barefoot Bob,” attended the meeting shoeless. Bob said that shoes hurt his feet--he’s sort of a barefoot activist. He’s listed with the Ohio State Board of Left Field Citizens.

The Capitol Square Review and Advisory Board spokesman said that the rule states that visitors to the Statehouse must wear “shoes or comparable footwear.”

The Statehouse Official Guidebook further explains in chapter 7, page 43, “comparable footwear does not include crew socks or socks of any kind or houseslippers worn with or without a bathrobe. This means you, Bob.”

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