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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines introduces a man who needed a smoke in the worst way, a woman who thought that a little fire would improve her marriage, and, for variety, cattle rustling in the city, a new mouse study by their little scientists friends, and a guy who did not have the right bathroom stuff.

Not the Breakfast of Champions
Originally reported by Yahoo News

A Southern California man is being held because he allegedly added poison to his wife’s breakfast cereal.

Police say the woman noticed a horrible odor and taste Thursday in her Rice Krispies. She was taken to a hospital, where the police became suspicious when her husband said he was going to step out for a cigarette. He was arrested about two miles away.

He probably just needed a walk to clear his head—and maybe a little time to wonder if he should have used Cheerios.

Working Hard for Her Insurance Money
Originally reported by Reuters

A Florida woman tried to knock off her husband by setting their bedroom on fire while he slept. Even though she gave it the old college try, the husband survived. Undaunted, four months later, she had her hubby check on some noises in the garage. Somehow, he got shot in the chest.

The husband survived both incidents. The missus was acquitted of attempted murder in the shooting case trial in 2010, but now she’s been convicted of attempted murder and arson for her previous effort to fry her husband.

Family and friends were shocked at the verdict, since she was such a sweetheart to everybody. Well, almost everybody.

Dancing in the Dark
Originally reported by United Press International

French researchers announced that they have found two separate areas of the brain that cooperate in making it possible for us to walk in the dark.

Scientists at Pierre and Marie Curie University in Paris (named for Walter Pidgeon and Greer Garson) said that mouse studies have indicated that the cerebellum can work with the hippocampus to allow us to walk around the house at night without stubbing our toes.

Mouse studies aside, one reader who admits to having regularly banged-up toes says he’s pretty sure that his cerebellum wouldn’t know his hippocampus from a hole in the ground.

Cattle Rustling
Originally reported by United Press International

Police are hot on the trail of cattle rustlers who stole 10 head of cattle from Wellington and Loxahatchee, Florida.

The sheriff’s office in Palm Beach County said six cattle were rustled from the corner of 50th Street South and 120th Avenue South in Wellington between Sept. 30 and Oct. 4. The other four disappeared from Loxahatchee between Oct. 10 and 24.

Correction to previously filed story: Local officials confirmed today that the Loxahatchee Four were not rustled—they had just gone out for breakfast.

Bathroom Emergency
Originally reported by United Press International

Connecticut police said a convicted felon will be charged after admitting that he accidentally shot himself while on the toilet.

Darrell Johnson claimed to have been shot during a robbery attempt, but he later admitted during questioning that his gun fell from his waistband while he was on the toilet and fired a round into his leg when it hit the floor.

Johnson faces multiple charges related to being a felon in possession of a firearm.

Next time, leave the gun, take the magazine.

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