Royal Update: Passings and Whatnot
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It’s been a long time since I’ve been around with the updates, and I can only imagine your excitement. But don’t think that you’re going to be reading about Harry carrying on in Vegas or Kate’s toplessness. All that stuff has been overdone. There are other more important things to talk about.

Royal Sadness

I hate to be Debbie Downer here, but you have to hear these things from someone.

The Washer of the Queen’s Hands has died. I bet you didn’t even know that there was such a person, did you? Well, there was, and now he’s dead. His name was Peter Houison Craufurd, and he was the 28th laird of Craufurdland Castle, in Ayrshire. He came into the title because one of his ancestors chased off a pair of murderous thugs who were attacking James V. In return, the king gave him a farm, on the condition that his family be ready with water and towels to wash the monarch’s hands.

  
 
I don’t know how often James V and his family got their hands washed, but today’s royal family must think it a bit weird. Peter Houison Craufurd and his family had to write to Buckingham Palace to offer to wash the monarch’s hands every time they were in residence at the Palace of Holyroodhouse, which was every year, and they were turned down more often than not. Peter washed George VI’s hands when he was eight and Queen Elizabeth II’s hands after her coronation. The Queen has said that once was enough for her, so there was Peter, with his silver ewer, bowl, and salver, holding a linen towel, waiting ever so patiently for Prince Charles to take the throne so he could to do it again. But, alas, it was not to be because poor Peter has passed on, and Charles is still a prince.

By the by, it appears that Peter’s eldest son, Alex Houison Craufurd, will inherit the title, so don’t go knocking on the doors of Buckingham Palace looking for the job. It’s taken.

*****

Some of you might remember a scene that was filmed for the curtain-raiser for the Olympic 2012 Games in London, in which Daniel Craig, as James Bond, arrived at Buckingham Palace to accept a mission from the Queen. He was greeted by three of the Queen’s corgis, who ran down the stairs, performed tummy rolls, and then stood as a helicopter took off for the Olympic stadium, carrying Bond and a stunt double of the Queen. One of the dogs was Monty, the Queen’s 13-year-old corgi.

Well, Monty died. No word on the cause of death. Monty once belonged to the Queen Mother and was fond of chasing squirrels. He will be missed.

******

Olga Powell, former nanny to Princes William and Harry for 15 years, collapsed on her doorstep and died of a heart attack. She was 82 years old. Olga saw the princes through their parents’ divorce and their mother’s death. She attended William and Kate’s wedding last year. As you can imagine, the princes were very saddened to hear the news.

I sincerely hope that Mrs. Powell’s heart attack was not brought on by Harry’s nude cavorting.

In Other News…

Sarah Ferguson says the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are doing an “extraordinary job” for Great Britain and are carrying themselves very well when on official visits abroad.

Yeah, well, I guess Sarah, the Duchess of Scandal, would be the expert on this, wouldn’t she?

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The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are planning a relaxing holiday after their visit to the Asian Pacific in honor of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. A trip to the Caribbean and Bora Bora is in the works for November.

Perhaps a one-piece swimsuit for the Duchess is in order for this little sojourn, hmm?

******

You know, I have to hand it to Prince Philip. After recent hospitalizations for heart surgery and bladder problems, the 91-year-old Duke of Edinburgh has 37 engagements scheduled and more may be added.

I love Philip. He’s the bomb.

******

Rapper Kanye West thinks girlfriend Kim Kardashian should be more like Kate Middleton. He thinks Kimmy should tone down the makeup and pick up on Kate’s poise, sophistication, and conservative style.

Kim Kardashian? Really?? Oh, Kanye, I don’t think so.

******

Hey, guess what? The clock tower that houses Big Ben has been renamed The Elizabeth Tower in honor of Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee. I think that’s great, don’t you? But I don’t think it’s going to stick. I don’t think people will say, “I’ll meet you at The Elizabeth Tower at noon.” It just doesn’t sound right.

******

You probably heard that Prince Harry is back in Afghanistan doing a second tour. Now, I think that’s admirable and all, except for when there are attacks and Harry gets whisked off to a secure location, which is exactly what happened when the Taliban attacked his base. Harry is given extra protection because of his royal status. Granted, he’s a target, but what about his buddies? What are they told when Harry’s plucked from the bunch and rushed to safety? “Sorry, boys. You’re on your own.” That must suck.

Stay tuned.

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