A War, a Dinner, and Employment
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I hope you like this month's interactive Royally Speaking column. Be sure to click on the links so you can really enjoy yourselves. You don't want to miss anything, you know.

An Ailing Duchess

Hey, guess what? Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, was in India with her daughter and eight security personnel where she checked into Dr. Issac Mathai’s Soukhya Holistic Health Centre at Whitefield to undergo several ayurveda and naturopathy procedures like yoga, mud therapy and hydro-therapy and was on a South Indian vegetarian, organic diet. The trip was strictly private.

Now, ordinarily, I’d have a wisecrack or two about this, but I have a feeling something’s not right. Camilla’s been under the weather lately (she was last reported having battled an ear infection and sinusitis in early October), leading to the cancellation of some engagements. But I wonder if she’s not having more serious health issues and it’s being downplayed by the media. I don’t want to be morbid or anything, but I’m keeping my eye on this.

  
 
Harry at War

Let’s check in on Prince Harry in Afghanistan. Well, he destroyed Taliban targets in an Apache gunship helicopter raid (he’s a co-pilot gunner – he sits at the front, commands the mission, fires its Hellfire missiles, navigates and sometimes steers). According to Col. Richard Kemp, CBE, Former Commander of British Forces in Afghanistan, Harry’s presence does not endanger the other soldiers. Kemp also says that although it would be a “tragedy” if Harry were killed, his life is worth “no more and no less” than any other soldier. Yes, it seems Harry is just “one of the boys.”

Okay, so forgive me when I don't understand how "one of the boys" whose life is worth "no more and no less" than any other soldier, has extra security because of his royal status, and is taken to secure locations during attacks, as reported in my last column.

Harry is phoning home regularly and, just for fun, he's secretly signing up his army buddies on "cougar" dating websites. What a card, that Harry.

By the by, Harry is now so popular Tatler magazine has named him “Man of the Year.”

Royal Beauty

Hey, I bet you’re wondering how Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, always looks so good. Well, I’m going to tell you.

She likes good-quality organic foods in moderation and a glass of red wine with her meals. As for makeup, she doesn’t go for the “glam” look, so she uses a tinted moisturizer. As for her hair? Well, it’s fine and difficult to manage. Camilla doesn’t want to mess with her hair; she’s not one to experiment. So her colorist uses bleach to give it “oomph.”

Follow these tips and you too could look as good as the Duchess (that’s her on the left).

Help Wanted

As you probably know, Prince Charles has a habit of firing off letters to government bodies in which he pretty much tells them what he thinks they should do. This is a problem because the Prince is privy to lots of secrets.

Attorney General Dominic Grieve ruled in mid-October that the Prince of Wales’s letters to ministers must be kept secret because their contents would “seriously damage” his future role as king were they made public. The Attorney General prevented the release of the letters by using a special veto, claiming that there was an “exceptional case” to prevent the Prince’s “most deeply held and personal beliefs” getting out into the open. Still, Charles writes on.

Well, now the Prince is looking for someone to help him organize and archive a massive amount of documents, which apparently include the 27 letters by the Prince to ministers expressing his “particularly frank” views.

So who’s up for the job?

Oooh, me! Me! Pick me!

Play Not

There’s a new play in London where the Queen is portrayed as a heroin junkie and is bludgeoned to death. I’m not even going to tell you the name of the play or where it is showing because this is just wrong and you shouldn’t go see it.

Sons of Monarchy

Want to see a funny picture? Prince Charles on a Harley.

Indonesia State Visit

Because of all the Diamond Jubilee shindigs going on this year, Indonesian president Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono and his wife Ani were the only ones fortunate enough to have a state visit, which was chock full of pomp and pageantry: an honor guard, a ride in the Queen’s ceremonial carriage, and, of course, a state dinner. Doestn't it look like they're all having a blast?

I know you want to know, so here it is: The 177 dinner guests were served Scottish halibut followed by a main course of chicken with baby artichokes and fondant potatoes, and a desert of iced green apple with a mulberry parfait made with fruit from the palace garden.

The queen wore a gold dress and diamond necklace and the Indonesian president was all decked out in ribbons and medals. Take a gander.

Gifts were exchanged, as is traditional between foreign heads of state. The Queen gave the President two photographs in silver frames and a a leather-bound first edition copy of Sir Winston Churchill's 'The World Crisis 1911-1918” book encased in a presentation box. She also gave him a porcelain flower and an honorary knighthood.

Indonesian First Lady Ani got a pair of china candlesticks.

Stay tuned.

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