Midwesterners Awed by Mysterious Phenomenon
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People all over the Midwestern states were thrown into a state of panic this week as they were plagued by a mysterious white, flaky substance that began falling from the sky and covering the ground.

Midwesterners watched in terror as this yet-unidentified substance blanketed their cars, their roads, and their driveways. Confusion struck instantly. No one knew just what to do.

And on the roads, chaos took over. This unfamiliar driving experience has caused nothing but anger and frustration. At first, thinking that this white stuff would have no effect on their driving abilities, they drove just like they normally did. Then they realized something strange: they couldn’t stop as well as they normally could. They slid. They swerved. This was like nothing they had ever done. And because of drivers’ pure inexperience, numerous accidents occurred.

There were others, however, who were instantly terrified of the substance, which they have dubbed “Snow.” This other group has resorted to driving five miles per hour, just to make sure that they will never slide or spin—or get anywhere. Their driving habits have become so grating to those around them that others run into them just for fun.

No one really knows how to react to this baffling spectacle. This white miracle. It’s caused people all over the Midwest to ask a number of questions, such as, “What the heck is this stuff anyway?” “Where did it come from?” “And why is it here now?” “Does this have something to do with the end of the world?”

And while no one can explain the cause of this white stuff, they can conclude one thing: no one knows how the heck to drive in it.

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