Spouse Removal with a Side Trip to Hair Solutions for Ladies and Gents
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines features a man who drove through a construction barricade to get to his haircut on time, an ex-boyfriend who glommed on to an original stuffing for a Christmas tree bag; a woman whose 911 emergency call concerned a large pest, and a woman who decided she wanted a younger body and a team of bodyguards.

Hairdresser Action
Originally reported by United Press International

Florida police said a man accused of crashing his car through a construction barricade told deputies he was hurrying to make a haircut appointment.

The Marion County Sheriff’s Office said William Faulkner, 76, allegedly drove through a construction barricade blocking Hair Solutions for Ladies and Gents and struck a construction worker who tried to get him to back up.

The man, who spoke to deputies while having his hair cut, told them he did not see the traffic barricade, and while he did see the worker who tried to get him to back up, he had thought the worker would get out of the way before he was struck.

Pedestrians are so uncooperative.

The Case of the Porcelain Chicken
Originally reported by United Press International

On Friday, police in Mount Clemens, Michigan were called to a Chesterfield Township home, where a 20-year-old resident said her ex-boyfriend stuffed her into a Christmas tree bag, and threatened to shove her into his truck and shoot her before killing himself, The Detroit News reported Monday.

The woman told police the man was distracted when her mother and sister arrived at the home, giving her the chance to strike him in the head with a porcelain chicken.

Police said Jonathan Elbers, 23, was arrested Sunday when he was found hiding in a woods about three miles from the crime scene. Elbers was charged with attempted murder, kidnapping and home invasion.

But you have to give him points for most original Christmas tree bag stuffng.

She Just Needed a Few Things
Originally reported by United Press International

Russian police said a teacher took up Satanism and hired a thug to attack a former student’s fiancée after the young man rejected her.

Police said Lyudmila Osipova, 41, of Volgograd, fell for a man in his 20’s while teaching a computer class several years ago, and tried to reconnect with him after quitting her job in 2009, RIA Novosti reported Friday.

The woman posed online as a model half her age to attract the man, but he spurned her advances because he had a girlfriend he planned to marry, the Komsomolskaya Pravda reported.

Investigators said Osipova’s failure to win the man over led her to take up Satanism and to drink blood to get the devil to help her obtain a younger body, $32,000, a Jaguar, a Volkswagen, a helicopter and a team of bodyguards.

Sounds like the Spurned Woman’s usual list of demands.

Maybe She Should Have Called Pest Control
Originally reported by United Press International

Pennsylvania authorities said they cited a woman for calling 911 to report she planned to divorce her husband and wanted him removed from their home.

Police said the Girard (Pa.) woman called 911 early Saturday and asked officers to remove her husband because she wanted to divorce him, the Erie (Pa.) Times-News reported Monday.

Investigators determined there had been no crimes committed at the residence and the woman was cited for disorderly conduct.

A source close to the story (a woman in curlers) says the husband is recently retired and has taken to wearing his bathrobe all day while watching cable news and eating snacks. “The poor dear was desperate,” said the source.

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