The Runaway Bulldozer and Other Near-Life Events
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines is about a guy whose bulldozer plumb got away from him, a man who called 911 because he was fresh out of Kool-Aid, a man who cased a woman’s house at night while shouting “zombies,” and a guy accused of trying to steal a Zamboni.

Knocked Over
Originally reported by Yahoo News

A man driving a bulldozer-like vehicle smashed the homes of four people and cut the power to thousands more after a long ongoing dispute with his neighbours.

Barry Alan Swegle, 51, knocked one of the homes in Washington’s Olympic Peninsula, in Port Angeles, off its foundations. An electricity pole was also torn down and a pickup truck destroyed.

Barbara Porter was inside her house when she saw the machine come barrelling through a wall—she ran out before she was crushed.

Swegle is being held over malicious mischief. His mother said she was just grateful that no one was hurt or killed.

Swegle’s mother came to the jailhouse armed with puzzle books and fresh underwear. “I’ll never get that boy raised,” she said.

Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid
Originally reported by United Press International

Florida police said they arrested a man who called 911 about 80 times because he wanted “Kool-Aid, burgers and weed” delivered to his home.

St. Petersburg police said Jarvis Sutton, 34, allegedly called the emergency number about 80 times Sunday. The arrest report said he told officers he “wanted Kool-Aid, burgers and weed to be delivered to him,” the Tampa Bay (Fla.) Times reported Wednesday.

Sutton, who was arrested on a charge of misusing the 911 system, allegedly chewed foam attached to the metal caging in the back of a police cruiser during his arrest.

Some people think Kool-Aid should be a controlled substance.

The Zombie Free Press News
Originally Reported by United Press International

Tennessee police said a man standing in a woman’s yard at night while shouting “zombies” was arrested for public intoxication.

The Clarksville Police Department said a woman called in around 11 p.m. Saturday and said she had a guy stumbling on the roadway in front of her home, Gannett Tennessee reported Tuesday.

Officers arrived to find James David Cunningham, 22, stumbling around the woman’s yard and repeatedly shouting the word "zombies."

Police said Cunningham admitted to consuming alcohol and smelled strongly of the substance. They said he also had slurred speech and bloodshot eyes.

Sounds like the usual zombie sighting--the sober witnesses are the ones just back from their alien space ship ride.

Another Zamboni Story
Originally reported by United Press International

Oklahoma police arrested a man accused of trying to steal a Zamboni.

Oklahoma City police said Spencer Holt, 24, attempted to take the Zamboni from the Cox Convention Center but couldn’t get the mammoth ice-smoothing vehicle out of the building, KWTV, Oklahoma City, reported Monday.

Security guards nabbed Holt who seemed to be having trouble standing up--police said he was intoxicated.

The charges against Holt include destruction of private property and public drunkenness.

Zamboni sounds like something that mob bosses used to order just before they wound up face down in it.

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