Holy Mackerel and A Dog’s Breakfast
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines concerns a parole jumper’s use of canned spaghetti sauce, a man’s rude awakening from a nap by a woman who picked up the first weapon she could find, another’s man choice of attire while lounging on the bonnet (Aussie for hood) of a speeding car, and a woman’s decision to work her boyfriend over with a knife when his dog found her stash.

Another Spaghetti Bomb Threat
Originally reported by Associated Press

A 53-year-old woman accused of using cans of spaghetti sauce to simulate a bomb when she robbed a bank has pleaded guilty.

Police say that on April 6, Ophelia A. Neal, a 53-year-old parole jumper, robbed a bank about 15 miles north-northeast of Detroit. Neal pleaded guilty to bank robbery and explosives charges. Police say Neal told bank employees she had a bomb in her cloth bag and demanded money. They say she took an undisclosed amount of money and escaped in a car with a man at the wheel. The state says she has previous fraud, assault and marijuana convictions.

At least she had a wheel man.

Not Necessarily Sleeping with the Fishes
Originally reported by United Press International

Swedish police said they are investigating a man’s allegations that a woman slapped him with a fish while he was sleeping.

Investigators said the man, who is in his 60s, called authorities to report he was awakened from a nap by a slap across the face from a woman wielding a mackerel. The man also claimed the woman stole $310 from him and cleaned out his refrigerator. The woman, who is also in her 60s, is known to the man, police said.

"They might live together sometimes," Mikael Larsson of the Nykoping police told the Sodermanlands Nyheter newspaper.

And sometimes they might just slap each other silly.

Sunday Drive
Originally reported by Watoday.com

A woman has been charged after allegedly driving past police in Broome with a man on the bonnet of the car wearing a dinosaur “onesie” and a snorkel. Police were on their way to Gantheaume Point Cable Beach at 7:20am on Sunday, when they spotted a white Ford Falcon wagon travelling about 60 kilometres an hour, with a man lying on the bonnet. Police stopped the car, with the man still lying on the bonnet facing the driver, smoking a cigarette, dressed in a dinosaur onesie and wearing a snorkel. A police spokesperson said the 23-year-old female driver was charged with driving with a blood alcohol level in excess of 0.05% and reckless driving.

The “man” has keen fashion sense.

Be Careful Out There
Originally reported by United Press International

A man suffered stab wounds after a Florida woman allegedly stabbed him after his dog ate her marijuana.

The Broward Sheriff's Office said the Florida woman, Shadae Scott, 26, allegedly attacked boyfriend Kevin Wiggins with a knife Sunday at her Dania Beach apartment because his dog had eaten her supply of marijuana, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Tuesday. Wiggins suffered small knife cuts to his face and head. He had one large gash across his hand, deputies said.

The arrest report said Scott told deputies Wiggins had walked into her knife repeatedly during their argument.

That was mighty careless of him.

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