Local Teen Exceeds “Like” Quota
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GRAND RAPIDS, MI Fifteen-year-old Bobbi Warner of Grand Rapids discovered on Tuesday that it is, indeed, possible to use the word “like” too much.

Tuesday afternoon, Bobbi went to the mall with four of her friends—to giggle and gossip and generally loiter while pretending to shop. And the teenager unnecessarily inserted the word, “like” into her normal conversations and exclamations well over four thousand times during the course of their three-hour shopping trip.

Just as Bobbi was picking out an adorable stuffed black lab for Sara’s boyfriend, she was in the middle of shouting, “Like, isn’t this, like, the cutest thing you’ve ever, like, seen??” to her friends, who were across the store, when she stopped. She tried to finish her sentence, but she couldn’t. All she could say was, “Like, isn’t this, like, the cutest thing you’ve ever.” And that was it. No matter how hard she tried, it became physically impossible for her to say the word.

And that was it. Though Bobbi has full use of the English language, there is one word that she can no longer use. Bobbi’s family has consulted prominent speech therapists from throughout the country, and no one can give them a satisfactory explanation for what happened. One of them suggested, “I’m sorry, Mr. Warner, but it looks like your daughter just exceeded her quota.”

Bobbi’s friends don’t know how to react. Sara was quoted as saying, “Like, how can I, like, hang out with someone who, like, talks that way? It’s so, like, uncool. She sounds, like, grown up or something.”

The Warners are frantically trying to find anyone who can cure this mysterious ailment. They fear that their daughter will be ostracized because of the way that she speaks.

Said her mother, “They’ll never let her hang out at the mall again!”

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