Hung-over Man Hopes He Didn’t Do Anything Embarrassing
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SNEDEKERVILLE, PA Sunday wasn’t a pleasant day for Jim Berry. He awoke with a serious headache—and a faint recollection of the night before.

“I don’t know exactly how I got here,” said Berry, who woke up in the middle of a grove of trees behind his friend’s house in Snedekerville, following what he assumes must have been a pretty wild and crazy party.

Other than that, Berry remembers very little of the evening. He has attempted to piece together parts of the evening, with the help of some of his friends, but he’s still missing several details.

“It would have been so much better had I just stayed away from the Mystery Punch,” said Berry, referring to a mysterious brown liquid that tasted much like what he imagined battery acid to taste like. He’s not sure how many glasses of the punch he had, though he knows it’s most likely somewhere around 16.

“I remember talking to some chick, though,” Berry recalled. “I think it may have been Warner’s sister. All I remember is she was really hot. I have no idea what I said to her, though.” With his aching head in his hands, Berry added, “Oh…. I hope I didn’t make a total fool of myself.”

Apparently, Berry did embarrass himself slightly, since one of his friends is pretty sure he remembers seeing Berry wearing a pink tutu and dancing on the coffee table. Though Berry denied it, he admits that he may have found traces of shimmery blue eye shadow still on his eyelid.

Berry—who spent the rest of the day lying on the couch, with his head buried under a pillow—is unsure whether or not he dares to show his face in Snedekerville again. He has vowed that he’ll never, ever, ever drink again. Except for at his cousin Larry’s party next weekend.

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