Be Careful Where You Sleep, and Keep Your First Aid Kit Handy
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines concerns a couple who lost it at the riverside, a woman who took action using things at hand, a man whose photo showed up in the wrong place, and a young mom who may or may not be on TV next season.

Snake River News
Originally reported by My Way News

A nearly five-foot boa constrictor is missing, according to the pet owners, who took it for a swim in a Pennsylvania river.

The Bloomsburg Press Enterprise reported that Kolby and Zachary Latranyi had been swimming with the snake, named Leyla, last weekend in the Susquehanna River. The Latranyis say the red-tailed boa was shedding, so the swim was designed to help it remove material from its scales. They’ve been back to the riverside several times, but so far haven’t turned up the missing reptile.

Maybe they should try snorkeling next time.

Best Served When Awake
Originally reported by

Prince George’s County deputies have arrested a woman who allegedly poured hot grits on a man while he slept, then struck him over the head with a baseball bat when he jumped out of bed.

Alexis Staton is charged with first-degree assault, second-degree assault, and reckless endangerment.

Police obtained a warrant for her arrest several days after the alleged incident on July 31. According to the warrant, the attack sent the victim out of the house with burns to his body and a bloody head wound. After obtaining the warrant, deputies found Staton at the address of the reported incident. She was taken into custody without incident.

She went quietly—she was out of hot grits.

That’s Show Biz
Originally reported by Huffington Post

Federal agents arrested a fugitive after they saw his photo in a Washington state newspaper that ran a story about a low-budget horror movie.

The News Tribune reports that 44-year-old Jason Stange, a convicted bank robber, plays a leading role in the movie, Marla Mae. The newspaper ran a feature story on the film, with photos that showed Stange on the film set in Olympia. Federal agents then tracked down Stange and arrested him at a restaurant close to the filming location.

Stange pleaded guilty to an armed bank robbery in 2006 and was given a 117-month prison sentence. A federal probation violation warrant was issued last year, after Stange left a halfway house in Spokane.

A star is born.

Teen Mom Star in Custody
Originally reported by United Press International

Teen Mom star Jenelle Evans was arrested for assaulting ex-fiancée Nathan Griffith’s new girlfriend with a glass.

According to several outlets, the 23-year-old Teen Mom 2 star stormed from her Myrtle Beach home and threw a drinking glass at the 29-year-old victim’s head, causing injury. The victim reportedly accompanied Griffith to Evans’s house to pick up his belongings.

Evans and the father of her 13-month-old son, Kaiser, ended their engagement in July after a tumultuous on-again, off-again relationship. Both have been arrested for separate incidents of alleged domestic violence this year.

“I’m enjoying being a mom,” Evans said in an interview after the split. “I just celebrated my first son [Jace’s] sixth birthday this weekend, and it went fantastic. I am not looking to date anyone at the moment. I am focusing on myself.”

“It went fantastic”? As in, nobody called the cops?

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