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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines covers a man who left his car behind, a guy who got a little too close to the edge, a man who decided that it would be safer to saddle up, and a guy who chose basic black for his special event costume.

Originally reported by My Way News

A bystander let a trooper use his canoe to apprehend a suspect who ran into a river after being hit with a stun gun.

State police in Newport, Pennsylvania, said that a trooper noticed the unnamed, 42-year-old suspect, who he believed had a suspended license and was wanted for several warrants. A news release states that the man drove away and then fled on foot, prompting the trooper to deploy a stun gun, causing the man to fall to the ground. The suspect got up, however, and fled into the Juniata River. Troopers used the nearby canoe to catch up with him in the water and take him into custody.

This week’s Juniata River news.

Breakdown on Interstate 295
Originally reported by Huffington Post

Local police say a Maine man crashed his SUV into a guardrail on an interstate and then inhaled computer keyboard cleaner in front of the officer who pulled him over.

Topsham Sgt. Robert Ramsay tells the Portland Press Herald that 44-year-old John Yates was arrested on Interstate 295 in Topsham. Ramsay says police saw Yates pull into a breakdown lane, then pull out suddenly, almost hitting a tractor-trailer. Police say a slow pursuit ensued until Yates hit a guardrail and crashed into a ditch. Yates then grabbed a canister of keyboard cleaner and began huffing it.

Yates faces charges including driving under the influence of drugs. He was being held on $1,000 bail and couldn’t be reached for comment on the charges.

Jailhouse sources (the McDonald’s coffee regulars) say it takes all kinds.

Show Me the Way
Originally reported by United Press International

A Louisiana man arrested for drunkenly riding his horse down a stretch of highway said he believes his choices were safe because “the horse knows the way home.”

The Livingston Parish Sheriff’s Office said Jake Williams drove his truck and horse trailer to a daiquiri shop in Denham Springs, and he decided to ride the horse rather than drive home in the early morning hours.

Williams was stopped while riding the horse, named Sugar, on the side of Highway 16. Williams said he thought riding the horse home was a good idea.

“When you get a little too much to drink, why not ride a horse?” he told WBRZ-TV. “It’s safer that way. The horse knows the way home.”

Sugar plans to be on standby.

Meatball Sub, Please
Originally reported by Daily Star

The man ordered the small snack with marinara sauce after walking into a branch of the world’s largest fast food chain.

His sub cost $4.34, and he handed over a $5 bill to pay, said employee Habib Rahman, translating for the colleague, who was present during the heist, Abul Kashem. Mr. Kashem said he opened the till, and at that point the customer withdrew a black firearm from his waistband. The robber pointed it at Mr. Kashem’s chest and demanded cash. He jumped over the counter, took $1,000 from the register, and ordered the worker to go into the bathroom, police said.

Detectives described the gunman as around 40 years old, 5 feet, 5 inches tall, and weighing approximately 140 pounds. He was wearing black jeans, a black shirt, and a black do-rag.

The do-rag was a nice touch.

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