Yes, We Have No Bananas
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines explains why a grandma was not afraid of burglars, why some songs are dangerous, why doors are meant to be closed, and why maybe a robbery wasn’t armed robbery.

Intruders in the Dust
Originally reported by United Press International

A Washington State grandmother’s security cameras were recording when she chased off three burglars.

Guelda Messina, 77, was sleeping in her Tacoma home when three men broke into her home and started searching for valuables. Messina said that she initially thought the noises that woke her up were made by her husband, who had just left the house, but she soon discovered that the sounds originated from intruders.

Security camera footage from inside the home shows Messina chasing the men out while yelling, “Get the hell out of here!” Two of the men ran out in front of Messina, while the third had to run around her to get out the door. Messina said that the burglars made off with $20 from her purse and a pair of earrings.

The grandmother said it never occurred to her to be afraid of the intruders.

“I’m a mom,” she told KIRO-TV. “It’s, like, you know, automatic. I’m the boss.”

Enough said.

Sunday Morning Going Down
Originally reported by

Doug Stone’s 1992 hit with the line, “They ought to put warning labels on them sad country songs,” may have been beneficial over the weekend when a man shot his radio.

A daily activity report stated that an Angelina County, Texas, deputy responded to a 911 call about shots fired at a home and found a man inside a vehicle in his own yard. The man told the deputy that he had gotten drunk and was in his pickup listening to music when a sad song he didn’t like began playing. At that point, the suspect allegedly shot the radio in his truck with a .22-caliber pistol.

“Suspect’s wife took possession of the handgun and suspect,” the activity report stated.

Local sources (the morning coffee drinkers at McDonald’s) say the “suspect’s wife” has him under house arrest.

Zombie Bust
Originally reported by Daily Mail

One man’s zombie costume turned out to be another man’s night of horror when the man dressed as one of the walking dead passed out in a stranger’s home and then allegedly attacked the apartment’s owner with a knife.

Dane Clark, 29, was arrested inside an apartment complex called Block 32 in Denver. Clark lived in the complex but had reportedly stumbled into his neighbor’s apartment and fell asleep on a chair in full zombie makeup.

Clark had apparently been drinking heavily at his birthday party, which happened to coincide with Halloween. When the owner returned home and tried to wake him up, Clark allegedly became violent, grabbing a kitchen knife and threatening to kill the man. The owner then ran out of his house and called 911.

When Denver police arrived, they found the zombie still on the scene, too intoxicated to respond to them.

According to CBS Denver, family members say that Clark, who used to be a “mixologist” with Intercontinental Hotels, will spend a month in rehab.

Another “mixologist” gone wrong.

Fruit Heist
Originally reported by

Police in Carbon County, Pennsylvania, said that a shoplifter used bananas as a weapon to get away with stolen merchandise. Michael Rehrig, 32, of Palmerton is accused of stealing more than $500 worth of electronics from Walmart near Lehighton. Mahoning Township Police report that Rehrig threw a bunch of bananas at an employee and left the store with a television and a vacuum cleaner.

Investigators also claim that Rehrig was involved in two thefts from the same store the previous day, in which three TVs were stolen.

Michael’s brother, Troy Rehrig, 29, is also wanted on charges for a theft from the same store in September.

No word yet on whether Troy was packing or if he just used bananas.

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