They Got Up Too Early
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines covers a guy who got seriously lost on his way home from a tailgate party, a man whose pet store purchase went wrong, a dog who ate more than the homework, and a mother/son dust-up with an unusual weapon choice.

Too Long at the Fair
Originally reported by

Police arrested a Minnesota Vikings tailgater who broke into the police department at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds not long after the game ended, authorities say.

A patrol officer discovered that the man had jimmied a locked door and was inside the department shortly after 4 p.m. when she returned to the station to do some paperwork, said Officer Brooke Blakey, spokesperson for the State Fair Police.

The 30-year-old appeared to be under the influence of alcohol. He had been walking back from tailgating when he entered the station, which looks like a house, Blakey said, adding that when officers arrived he appeared to think that he was in his own home.

But was puzzled that he couldn’t find the remote.

Pet Store Caper
Originally reported by Yahoo News

A snake thief smuggled a two-foot-long python from a Portland pet store by stuffing it down his pants.

Sgt. Greg Stewart said that no arrests have been made in the theft. But Christin Bjugan, an owner of the A to Z pet store, said that video surveillance has helped police detectives identify a suspect, and she expects to have the snake returned soon.

“We know who did it,” she said. “We know where he lives, we know where he works, we know all about him and his girlfriend. We’re just waiting to get our snake back.”

Bjugan says it was “pretty gutsy” for the man to put the python down his pants, and potentially a bad move because it was close to feeding day.

Now you tell us.

A Dog’s Breakfast
Originally reported by The Smoking Gun

According to local police, a Florida man shoved his mother to the ground after her dog ate his pot.

Mackenzie Freeman, 25, “became upset” early that morning “after his mother’s dog ate his marijuana,” a criminal complaint notes.

When cops arrived at the residence, Freeman took off running but was eventually apprehended after a brief foot chase. He was returned to the residence, where cops found a marijuana pipe “in plain view” in the living room.

After being read his rights, Freeman reportedly claimed ownership of the pipe and “admitted to pushing his mother down and hitting her in the head with his pants.” A Largo Police Department officer noted in the complaint that Freeman stated that his mother “deserved it.”

Pants violence has been so rampant lately.

Trespassing with Meat
Originally reported by Fox News

A Virginia man faces charges—including trespassing and public intoxication—after investigators said he sneaked onto his neighbor’s land with a gun, a camouflage mask, and what The News & Advance called “suspicious” bacon.

Evan Patrick Cater is accused of hiding behind the neighbor’s dog pen with a 9mm handgun and a bag of bacon “covered in an unknown oily substance,” the newspaper adds. Investigators said that it was unclear whether the substance was poisonous.

Neighbor Bobby Wood said he spotted Cater in his backyard after his dogs kept barking and wouldn’t stop. Wood said that the man didn’t respond to his shouts, so he called sheriff’s deputies. One of them testified that she ultimately talked to the suspect, who had alcohol on his breath and claimed he was just relaxing.

And getting ready to fix a little breakfast.

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