Events at the Shoot and Elsewhere
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines covers a guy who decided that jail was a good choice, a woman who helped herself to the wrong person’s lunch, a couple who brought their guns to the wedding, and several nervous types who made phone calls that landed them on the daily police report.

It’s the Little Things
Originally reported by United Press International

A man accused of robbing a Kansas bank told investigators that he preferred jail to life with his wife.

Lawrence John Ripple, 70, allegedly walked into the Bank of Labor in Kansas City and handed a teller a note reading, “I have a gun, give me money.”

Court documents state Ripple took the money and sat down in the lobby of the bank until he was approached by a security guard.

“I’m the guy you’re looking for,” he allegedly told the guard.

Ripple allegedly told investigators he has been arguing with his wife and “no longer wanted to be in that situation,” court documents state.

Ripple’s wife said he had become angry when she reminded him that the clothes dryer needed to be repaired.

Ripple later said he was sick and tired of hearing about the damn clothes dryer.

Stolen Fries
Originally reported by United Press International

A Washington D.C. woman faced charges of theft after reportedly stealing french fries from a police officer’s plate at a local restaurant.

According to Fox 5, two women, whom the officer believed to be intoxicated, approached his table to begin a conversation when one began to eat fries from his plate.

“I then politely asked D-1 to not do that again because I paid for that food, and she was stealing from me, and she could be arrested for theft of my food,” the officer wrote in a police report.

The woman responded by saying, “well, then, you might as well take me to jail,” before taking a third fry.

She was then arrested for second degree theft with the stolen property listed as “French Fried Potato . . . quantity 3,” the Washington Post reported.

Let that be a lesson to you “D-1”.

Shooting Club Ceremony
Originally reported by Yahoo! News

You could call it a shotgun event. A New York couple has taken the idea of a shotgun wedding literally: they married at a shooting club five years to the day after they first met at a trap-shooting competition.

The Post-Standard of Syracuse reports that 36-year-old Lynn Mapstone donned her wedding dress after outshooting 47-year-old Peter Derrigo at Sunday’s shoot-off at the DeWitt Fish and Game Club.

The two met at the club during a local trap-shooting league’s annual championship shoot-off tournament. It was Mapstone's idea to have a shotgun wedding at the same place and on the same day that they met. The couple exchanged vows on a trap house, a low structure that houses the machine that launches the targets. During the pre-wedding competition, Mapstone hit 44 of 50 targets. The groom-to-be hit 33.

An unnamed wedding guest and Donald Trump supporter tweeted “He’s a loser!”

Police Log
Originally reported by

11:17 a.m. — Subject wearing a bloody Halloween mask, knee pads and is carrying a toy gun and scissors while coming out of the cemetery in the 200 block of Fifth Street, Yoncalla.

12:39 a.m.--Someone has been revving their engine for the past 15 minutes in the 200 block of Gallahad 12:39 a.m Loop, Myrtle Creek.

1:32 a.m. — Man heard screaming for help near the intersection of North Bank Road and Sable Drive, Roseburg.

4:54 a.m. — Elderly woman reporting two males are on her porch in the 200 block of Riverwood Lane, Oakland.

1:42 p.m. — Caller reporting stolen bead collection in the 100 block of Lancaster Avenue, Roseburg.

9:28 p.m. — Girlfriend has been out of control for the last three days and has been threatening to stab the caller in his sleep in the 4200 block of Canyonville-Riddle Road, Riddle.

11:52 p.m. — Man that was on the caller’s porch last night is there again in the 200 block of Riverwood Lane, Oakland.

The locals are restless.

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