The Two Mile Drive Report
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This edition of Stolen from the Headlines covers an exciting, almost-new form of air travel, police news as called in by faithful neighborhood observers, a guy who somehow wound up waist-deep in pond water, and a boyfriend who is, to hear him tell it, a whiz at legal advice.

Hard Landing
Originally reported by The Telegraph

The world’s largest aircraft, the Airlander 10, is ready to take to the skies again after crashing into a telegraph pole on a test flight last summer.

Affectionately known as the “flying bum,” in recognition of the curves of its rear, the 92m-long plane, which is part helicopter and part airship, suffered a “hard landing” in an airfield in Bedfordshire last August. No one was injured.

The aircraft was first developed for the US government as a long-endurance surveillance ship but was later neglected due to defense cutbacks and the slump in popularity of airships following the Hindenburg disaster in 1937.

Ah, the Hindenburg—no need to give up on a good idea.

Your Police News
Originally reported by Flathead Beacon

10:58 a.m. A Kalispell man called to report a theft but didn’t have any information about what was stolen. He was told to get some additional information and call back later.
11:53 a.m. Some folks along the North Fork Road were allegedly yelling about how they didn’t have gas. They shot up some drugs to pass the time, according to the citizen who called it in.
1:57 p.m. Two llamas and two horses were standing in two feet of snow on Two Mile Drive. A local citizen said they looked hungry.
4:42 p.m. A Kalispell resident called police because it looked like two kids were stuck outside. The kids kept knocking on the door, but no one would let them in. Upon further investigation, the kids were actually knocking on a window to let their mom know that they were eating snow.
7:41 p.m. A Kila man called to report that his grandson was moving into his house, even though he didn’t have permission. As he called, the grandson was already making himself at home by moving things around the living room.
8:29 p.m. A Kalispell woman reported that her daughter, who lives in a camper out back, climbed through the window and stole some groceries. Apparently this is an ongoing issue.

The real breaking news.

Pole in the Water
Originally reported by United Press International

Florida authorities said a robbery suspect found hiding in a pond told deputies that he was “just fishing” and the real robber “went that way.”

The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said deputies responded to a Family Dollar store in Deltona, where a clerk told them that a man with “Loyalty” tattooed across his abdomen claimed to have a gun and demanded money. The clerk refused the request, leading the man to flee, the sheriff’s office said.

Deputies in a sheriff’s office helicopter spotted a man walking near a pond and wading waist-deep into the water. Sean Torres, 29, allegedly told deputies that he was “just fishing” and had dropped his pole in the water. Deputies said they questioned Torres about the robbery, and he responded: “The guy who did it went that way.”

Thank you, Citizen.

Leaving Wasn’t on Their Minds
Originally reported by Washington Post

A Florida woman who was frustrated because her houseguests wouldn’t leave is under arrest after she shot one of them, the Bay County Sheriff’s Office said.

Alana Annette Savell, 32, was charged with aggravated battery with a firearm after she shot at two people, striking one, at her home. According to the sheriff’s office, a man and a woman had gone to Savell’s house around 1 a.m. to “hang out” and drink alcohol. After a while, Savell said she told her guests multiple times to leave, but they did not listen.

Savell then retrieved a .22-caliber handgun and began shooting at the feet of her guests, according to an affidavit. Her boyfriend, identified only as Ben, told police later that it was something he had advised Savell to do.

“[Ben] states that he has told the defendant that once they tell people to leave three times, she is to go get the gun and shoot it at the ground,” the affidavit read. “Then she is to start shooting people in the leg.”

It appears that Ben is pre-law.

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